Reply to Does a blended family actually work?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It seems like the general consensus here is if you divorce, no family for you. I get divorce is awful, and it’s awful for all involved, not just the children, but how is it that you should then be doomed to a life of solitude? Marriage and family are normal desires, and those that are divorced still have normal human desires.

If you are able to navigate a blended family in a reasonable, responsible, mature way, I think it can work. We only live once, one shouldn’t deprive themselves of happiness because of a past error. [/quote]

No, I think the general consensus here is that it is dishonest to pretend that there is not a very high probability of significant negative consequences on the first set of kids.  You have to make your decision and live with the consequences; it is the pretending that there aren’t, or shouldn’t be, any such consequences that people are reacting so negatively to.

Just speaking for myself, who was in a relatively late and relatively benign situation: it is at minimum deeply obnoxious to be pressured to pretend that people you aren’t related to, have nothing in common with, and don’t particularly like are “family.”  It’s worse when they make bad decisions regarding relationships, money, or substances—your family life is now pressured, and potentially compromised, by people you have no interest in.  And they are at every Christmas, Thanksgiving, graduation, etc.  Forever.  The reasonable best case, it seems to me, is for the initial set of children to distance themselves from the family unit in general, with a reasonably high probability of some sort of train wreck.  I’m sure there are a few outliers with very positive experiences.  I understand the feeling that it shouldn’t have to be that way.  But reality is what it is. [/quote]

Marriage and family are normal desires, I agree. But I was married and I have my family.

Now I'm divorced. I dont believe that sex outside of marriage is a sin. Therefore I am now free to have as much sex as I want. I already have a family, and believe strongly that I need to put them first, despite my failed marriage. As such, I will not remarry, probably ever, but will 100% NOT "blend" families while I have kids in my house (so, 8 more years). Ive looked at the pros, I've looked at the cons......the cons win the day, for sure.

[/quote]

Good for you PP. I am glad there are people like you that focus on their kids rather than jumping on marrying anyone. If you are independent and secure then a marriage and living together doesn't make any difference to your love life. Infact, it's very healthy to be on your own for some time. [/quote]

Thank you. It’s the harder position unless you’re self sufficient (I am) and actually put your kids first. I appreciate your kindness[/quote]

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