Reply to Disgusted by Wife’s Obesity But Don’t Want a Divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Tyring to think what would get me off my tuckus to embrace change like this, with young kids.

Make doing things "together" the issue and the "things" are walking, swimming, hiking, etc.  Don't go to cardio and weight lifting yet.  Offer to get the kids ready, take them along, hire a sitter, or trade outdoor activity time for mommy down time.  
And talk about alcohol over use.
Can you prepare snacks and leave them around?  My kids will eat an apple if I cut it up, snow peas or snap peas if I wash them and leave then in a bowl, etc.
Does she see a family doctor?  Can you make an appt with teh same doctor and ask for help with this?  Dr. can make the focus blood pressure, diabetes, etc.

If she still won't try then you involve a marital therapist.[/quote]

Really?  
I would respond to my husband having actually done the work and research on what changes your weight set point and actually works, having the name of a counselor who deals with the mental issues surrounding weight loss, and having a plan on where to find the tome and money to make it happen.

If he just came to me with one more issue, and laid it at my feet to figure out how to make it happen, I would give a sincere attempt, but it likely wouldn’t last long.

I have found that my husband has responded the same way when I have wanted something from him.  Help with housekeeping, for example.  I didn’t “engage him in cleaning as a family.”  I had a plan for what I needed someone to do, how to find a good person, and how I was going to come up with the money to pay for it.  [/quote]

This, OP.  How would you want her to ask you to make more money?  Would you just want her to tell you how important it is to you, how she doesn’t find you as attractive, and it’s just biology?  Or would you want a list of ads for higher paying jobs in your field, time to work on your resume and applications, and sincere support with childcare, housework, and sex/emotional support throughout the interview process?

Also, this stuff with encouraging family hikes is ridiculous and passive aggressive.  It would be like her hiding ads for better paying jobs in your sock drawer. [/quote]

Agree with both. It’s stupid to think you’re going to solve the problem by finding the perfect way of phrasing it. It’s going to take a massive overhaul of her eating habits. That’s not going to magically happen because you found just the right comment. [/quote]

+2.  This is going to take some real effort.  I don’t think you can expect her to just do it unless you are willing to meet her halfway.  One comment or one conversation isn’t going to be the end of it.  [/quote]

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