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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here again. 
I dont want to act crazy, I'm uninterested in revenge.  I'm interested in advice from BTDT women who have had to deal with this. The first time she shows up at a soccer game, what do I do? When she shows up to pick the kids up, what do I say?  Just pretend I have no idea who she is? Like I dont remember her? 
I just dont know how to handle this next phase with class and grace. [/quote]

I am going to have to disagree with this assessment. A good dad would never be so selfish to risk destroying their family. He's pretty terrible. [/quote]

I agree, he's no good. A lousy father

OP you don't need to have any type of relationship with this woman. I would hope you would never allow her to pick up your kids.  What do mean at the soccer game?  Sit with your family, or new boyfriend no where near the cheater.  At this point she's merely his girlfriend -nothing to your kids.  He's a cheater, probably did it on you before but wasn't caught.  When dealing with your kids talk only to your ex, never allow her to watch them etc.

I wouldn't say anything or stupid comments to this cheap woman. She has a new problem right now - someone she can't trust.[/quote]

OP can’t control what her ex chooses to do during his parenting time. Trying to control the girlfriend’s interactions, whether she’s with them or watches them, etc. with her kids will create further tension. Like PP said, she now has the ear of ex and can choose to make OP’s life hell just as much as the other way around. [/quote]

She can legally make sure the woman isn't driving over to her house to pick up the kids. Or drop them off on her own. If her ex is there with AP, no problem. If the ex leaves her kids alone with this woman she can go to court. If he ends up marrying her another matter.  OP can't choose what they do during parenting time, but she can stipulate ex doesn't leave his kids with his random girlfriends. That's not controlling his parenting time, it's being responsible to your kids.

It's sad OP's ex already had his kids around this woman. They are barely divorced, OP should have some real concerns. [b]Both should agree to put the kids first. [/b]Sure have partners around the kids, but only if it's serious after a year. [/quote]

You should re-read your advice, then read the bolded because you contradict yourself.

Look, the situation sucks for OP, but having court orders dictating normal human interactions is a recipe for disaster and cruel to the kids.  So if it's his custody day, and AP is home, but exDH is working late, they can't exchange kids because of some rule that she can't come over, and vice-versa.  I have a good friend with this relationship, they exchange custody and fire and police stations.  You can imagine what the kids think of this insanity.

This woman is in your kids life half the time, you can't change that.  And as much as this absolutely sucks to know, she may otherwise engender the kids affection and perhaps be in your social circle.  Don't cut off your nose and your kids' noses over bitterness.  The best advice here is radical indifference.[/quote]

Actually, what is not a normal interaction is to have your kids come to your house for your night you to not be there.

If you choose to work late over seeing your kids you don’t get them that night.

Also, another thing family court knows is that most abuse is done when the children are with the boyfriend or girlfriend of the Parent.[/quote]

Exactly. 
At the moment this woman is nothing to her children.  OP can talk to her ex stipulating AP not be alone with her kids. He needs to watch them and spend quality time with them. Not leave them with a gf.

What about AP's kids? Are there going to be concerns with influences upon her own kids? That's obviously another big issue if they move in together. [/quote]

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