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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you, PP.  I'm not an unkind person. Saying nasty things, being petty, all of that will just make me feel terrible. I dont want to hurt anyone or carry around anger. I just want to get through this without bursting into tears or humiliating myself. [/quote]

PP here. My heart goes out to you. It's just really really hard -- and you're going to get through it.

Things that helped me: A really excellent therapist who taught me some relaxation techniques (that were developed to treat PTSD, actually), focusing on what I love and am good at, taking the dog for long walks, crying a LOT. And I did get angry, which is sort of different from "carrying around anger." (A different therapist once told me, It sounds like you didn't lose your temper; sounds like you finally found it!) Be angry -- you *should* be angry!* -- and also look for "safe" appropriate ways to express your anger. (Hint: Your ex and his AP don't deserve that much of you. Your anger is a thing of beauty, my dear. It's YOURS. They aren't even worth sharing it with.)

Other things that helped: BFFs. Family. Focusing on the kids (their constant and unrelenting need got me out of bed -- when nothing else would have -- for months and months.)

And I am not really a drinker, but in year one, I had one bottle of really excellent whiskey that served me well on occasion.

Focus on you, focus on your kids. Practice accepting others' offers of help and kindness. Cry a lot: You need the release.

When challenging situations arise, break it down into baby steps. Can you make it across the field to the parking lot? You can. Can you make it from here to the car? You can do that, too. Remind yourself that every hour of every day, you are [i]already[/i] getting through this.

You're a good person -- that comes through -- and guess what? You get to be you throughout all of this BS. They have to be them. As much as this stinks -- and it really truly does -- I know that in your heart of hearts you wouldn't trade with them. You value your integrity too much. You value being a role model to your kids. Throughout this whole sordid ordeal, at least -- and this is no small thing -- you get to be you.

Hang in there, hon. [/quote]

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