Reply to Found nude pics on DHs phone

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]“Your choice to lie tells me everything I need to know. Please find another place to sleep tonight while I process what I want to do next.”[/quote]

+1  I'm not going to become Inspector Gadget but I'm not putting up with it either.  [/quote]

+2 - No way in hell will I snoop on my husband or live with a cheater. People always eventually get caught....I don't have time to snoop. Plus, if I feel like I have to snoop, then I want a divorce.[/quote]

I understand what you're saying.  I completely trusted my husband and never would have dreamed of snooping on him until I accidentally stumbled over incontrovertible evidence that he had been unfaithful. When confronted, he lied, just like OP's DH.

Once DH lied to me, I no longer felt he was no longer entitled to any presumption of trust. I knew at that moment that the marriage was over. Yes, I could have dumped him right then and walked away without any remorse.

BUT, I choose to snoop, and snoop thoroughly I did. I went through everything I legally had access to -- computers in the home, bills, phone records, bank records, car mileage, etc. What I found was a real eye-opener - DH had far more problems than just 1 inappropriate relationship.  I ended the marriage and have never once looked back or had any remorse or doubts, and I was able to make wiser custody and child support decisions based on what I found out.

Had I not known the real facts, I would have been much more susceptible to DH"s ongoing gas-lighting and lying, which didn't end with our marriage.  I would have been much more susceptible to the pressure from friends and relatives to reconcile.  And, I would have been much more susceptible to pressure from therapists (therapists!!) who advocated reconciliation, forgiveness and deciding to trust again.

So, while I agree with you about not wanting to live with someone you feel has to be snooped on, I do think there's a value to it, even if it's likely that you will still breakup with them.[/quote]

This is exactly right. 
The guy
1) had a photo of a middle aged blond on his phone. Apparently, this was not normal for him, whether she was hot or not.
2) when asked about it, he lied. He didn't say it was porn. He didn't say a buddy sent it to him. 
3) he deleted the photo and tried to gaslight OP (who is smarter than that) and say it wasn't there.
4) he went over the top defensive and went to his parent's house for the night. Or to his AP's house. Doesn't matter, that reaction was not the reaction of a totally innocent person.
5) he didn't answer, even by text, her calls over night. Why not? Because he was boinking his AP.

He deserves no trust, no presumption of innocence. Because he isn't giving trustworthy, honest answers.

OP has every right to snoop and be upset. Even if this was his 3rd grade teacher and it was totally innocent because that's what they did back in the day, his decision to lie, gaslight, and storm out like SHE was the crazy one puts him in the wrong.[/quote]

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