Reply to Making it work when the wife is the one with the "big job"

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Reply to "Making it work when the wife is the one with the "big job" - s/o today's NY Times article"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The point of the article was that both halves of the couple have equal education and earning power, but someone (typically the woman) steps back. OP is saying her DH agreed to step back and then does a shitty job of it. That's not fair. Actual salary has nothing to do with anything, if that is the deal they made. I'm the DW, am the stepped-back spouse who definitely is the default parent, and I earn north of $200k and am not part time. Saying the DH should get a pass just b/c he is also a high earner is nonsense. [b]He agreed to lean out, he needs to actually do the stuff that comes along with that. [/b]

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You can be "leaning out" at a job without regaining enough time to be a "leaned in" parent. It's likely to happen in jobs with income this high.[/quote]

PP here and believe me, I know. That's why I included the rest of my post about how big you choose to make family life in terms of activities and other stuff that is more optional. We don't do a lot of activities, and definitely not on weeknights, I don't do PTA or classroom volunteering, and we cannot manage to make it to all school events. Today's intensive parenting dictates that this is borderline negligent, but you do what you have to do.

In OP's case, someone *has* to deal with the child's doctor appts and medications. It may still be hard on her DH b/c of his relatively high income job, but it's not like it's any easier on OP with her higher income and "bigger" job. Bottom line is someone has to do it between the two of them and though her DH is better positioned and seemingly agreed to handle it, he's not. That's the problem. [/quote]

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