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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP Here. Please read the articles if you want to argue with me. But read because a lot of the arguments here are just ... rants.

A few things, we see that there is less corporal punishment is places like Sweden, which historically tests higher at PISA and bans spanking:
https://www.cnn.com/2011/11/09/world/sweden-punishment-ban/
https://www.thelocal.se/20161206/what-swedens-improving-school-performance-tells-us-pisa

Note that the USA is one of the few countries that did not support/ratify the rights of a child, along with Sudan and Somalia (which is ironic since we have so many who believe that the baby has rights.... but I digress), which promotes the rights of the child and argues the banning of hitting a child:
https://www.unicef.org/crc/
https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/post-partisan/wp/2014/11/21/why-wont-the-u-s-ratify-the-u-n-s-child-rights-treaty/?utm_term=.2d5368b2824d

There is a ton of research that supports that child abuse instills fear and removes trust between parents (see study in first post of the thread). Furthermore, we see that this is a political issue, with most of the Christian Right supporting spanking:

https://www.cnn.com/2014/09/16/living/spanking-cultural-roots-attitudes-parents/index.html
https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-adrian-peterson-beating-and-the-christian-rights-love-of-corporal-punishment?ref=scroll

And we're seeing that the result of physical threats, that people who fear being harmed even at the age of 4, tend to have more conservative, anti-immigrant and racist views:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/inspired-life/wp/2017/11/22/at-yale-we-conducted-an-experiment-to-turn-conservatives-into-liberals-the-results-say-a-lot-about-our-political-divisions/?utm_term=.906e0a3843ef

And, it can be shown that the states that allow corporal punishment (spanking in schools), tend to be red states:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/answer-sheet/wp/2014/09/18/19-states-still-allow-corporal-punishment-in-school/?utm_term=.cb6f99029794

And they support PADDLING:
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2017/07/21/school-paddling/499177001/
https://www.npr.org/sections/ed/2017/04/12/521944429/where-corporal-punishment-is-still-used-its-roots-go-deep

And that we are not spanking, more and more based on education and shifts in information but it's really SLOW and SMALL changes:
http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking.aspx
http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2015/12/17/parenting-in-america/st_2015-12-17_parenting-09/

In lieu of these articles, it looks like we are going backwards compared to the rest of the world when it comes to how we are raising our kids. I know that the prevailing argument is that "I'm fine and I got spanked." But it's okay to change. I got spanked, saw the data, and made the firm decision to not hit my kids because they tend do better at life as a result. Who doesn't want their kids to be better at life?

For the people who are struggling with how discipline your kids, start with not disciplining your kids. I'm not a therapist or doctor but try this:

Start with praising your kids. It's hard, because you're tired of parenting all of the time, but start with that-- notice when they do something good and mention it. And then when they do something great, say something like: "I know you can be good. I remember when you did [insert good behaviour here]. I would really appreciate it if you can apply that good behaviour here." I know that telling my kid that our family is a team, and when their behavior effects how our team is successful it makes it harder for us as a whole. I also tend to also talk about being "good helpers." Because helpers make the world a little better. My kids are 9 and 5, so this works for me still.  :)

And also: get therapy for both you and your kid if you are struggling. REALLY. Because we're parents and not behavioural specialists and they can teach us things that we aren't learning on an anonymous parenting forum.[/quote]

I'll definitely look/read your articles (and I'm in the controlled spanking camp).  I have no problem reading and learning even though my views differ from yours so thanks for sharing.  Regarding your Praise philosophy - We do use this as well.  I don't think relying on it solely will work for us but I appreciate the example of the whole "we are a team concept".  I like that and will incorporate so thanks![/quote]

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