Reply to Our home is a mess. I am thinking of leaving

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[quote=Anonymous]OP is, most likely, a troll, but I'll bite.

A very similar situation went on for 13 years in my sister-in-law's house. She married  a guy with Asperger's and had two boys with him, one on the spectrum, and another one just unmotivated. SIL was the main breadwinner in the family while her trust-funder husband  just sat around the house all day claiming to have some freelancing gig, while the kids ran amok, completely out of control. The oldest threw fits and tantrums on a regular basis (they finally had him medicated when he was in middle school) while the youngest played video games in the basement all day long and almost failed pretty much every year of elementary school. There was no structure and discipline in the house whatsoever. Somehow, my sister-in-law thought things will work themselves out..

And then disaster stuck. SIL had cancer and died 4 years after being diagnosed leaving her inept husband and teenage children behind. When the tragedy happened, DH and I were seriously concerned about the welfare of the kids, but BIL's side of the family stepped in. His mother found tutors for the youngest and a therapist for the oldest, they arranged for a cleaning and a landscaping service. According to BIL, for the first time in 13 years of parenting, he uttered the world 'Homework' -- and the kids' grades are now better than ever, the youngest is signed up for afterschool activities and the kids somewhat behave. I don't know why it took a tragedy for BIL to see his parenting mistakes (I'd hate to blame my late SIL, but, boy, what was she doing and thinking while she was still alive and well? Why wasn't she paying attention to her own children?). It sounds pretty cynical, but with SIL gone, the rest of the family had a cart-blanche to intervene and that intervention has benefited the kids immensely - but, unfortunately, no good grades can mitigate the fact that they are motherless now. [/quote]

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