Reply to An explanation and request from a mom of a kid with autism

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP here, who has read the whole thread. I actually have some sympathy for the OP-- everyone needs to be more understanding of SN, for example. And I'd strongnly suspect that parents of kids with SN have 100x as many opportunities to see people being jerks about kids with SN than parents of kids without. I mean, as a white woman, I never saw (or "never saw") a cab fail to stop for black people until I tried to catch one with two black girlfriends.

That said, where OP loses me is when she says one of the techniques for dealing with her son's behavior is "planned ignoring." I don't have a problem with that strategy and assume it's good advice. However, there's literally no way for bystanders to know if she's using that strategy or simply ignoring, not even witnessing, or, worse, passively condoning his behavior. And assuming the best of her ignoring is really a bridge too far. Planned ignoring may be the best strategy for the child's behavior, but it's simply not practicable in these sorts of contexts, OP. "Assuming the best" *in general* is a good idea. Assuming that a mother who ignores her kid's aggressive behavior is implementing a therapist's advice? Without her telling the other parent and child this? Sorry, but that's too much of a stretch.

(And BTW, the behavior described may not be egregious or intentional, but yes, it's aggressive.) [/quote]

Well to take your analogy to the logical conclusion, black people don't owe some duty to the racist world to educate them. If my kids flapping like a crazy Elton and making noises at your kid and I'm moving him away, like our therapist has advised and yes planned ignoring is a thing, I'm not going to be taking the time to explain to you why. If you had a kid with special needs you'd understand: when he is dysregulated like that I have to follow him. Like literally be on his back. And yes we're leaving. And I have other kids. So I'm busy and I don't owe you a huge explanation. Do the people who aggressively push by me on the metro owe me some explanation? Maybe. Am I getting one? Yeah no. [/quote]

Don't even try the racism card.  AS a black  women and a mom of SN kids I'm not here for it.  You are changing the narrative and you know it, do behaviors like flapping and screaming gets some looks and comments yes, and you are right to ignore those.
You also know that your kid hitting and spitting at a child from the perspective of the child and the parent are not the same. Do you need to launch into full-blow explanation? Nope. But a simple " I'm sorry. Is she okay. We're working on it. " Go along way. You've done your part then, if they choose to gripe about it some more that's on them[/quote]

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