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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't even know if this is the right forum for this question but I can't think of a better fit.

My DH had a long-term affair that resulted in a daughter.  She is four, and our children together are six and two.  I found out a few months ago and so far we are not planning to divorce.  This has been a wild and emotional ride for me but my question is not about this right now.

He is quite involved in her life and sees her twice a week or so.  He has also been getting our son together with the girl regularly because he felt siblings must know each other.  I do not prevent him from seeing his daughter, and have allowed my son to continue seeing her on the condition that her mother is never around my children. They see each other at least once a week. My DH is a very involved father with our kids, he is a good dad.

So far he didn't explain/discuss with our son how this girl came to be, he just told him that "this is your sister", and since this has started a few years ago, I think my son has just taken this for granted.  However, I believe that eventually he will put two and two together, and I think we should figure out a way to talk about this with our kids that doesn't denigrate either their half-sister or their father.  I don't want to just present this as a fait accomplit, I want my children to understand that cheating is wrong but I just feel completely helpless and unequipped to step around this minefield.  I don't want my children, and especially my daughter (who is now 2) to learn this is normal or this is how men are allowed to behave.  Things are what they are, the kids aren't going away.  How do I talk about this?

[b]I would like some advice from those of you who have been in this situation as kids, or someone who had something like this happen in the family.  How would you have liked the adults in the family frame this for you? What is the fair way to talk about this that makes clear that cheating is wrong, but does not take it out on the half-sibling or make their father look like a piece of crap?[/b][/quote]

My situation was almost the same growing up. My father had a kid before he left the house for good when I was 8. He introduced his child to my siblings and I at a visit. My mother wasn't aware he did that until after the fact. She flipped. I was around 10 when that happened. I remember asking a lot of questions. She didn't offer the juicy goods but gave age appropriate responses. It wasn't until I was 16 when she dished the dirt. I never looked at him the same since. We had an ok relationship into adulthood but I don't miss him now that he's deceased. I don't look down at my mother for trying to make things work after she found out he fathered a child. And I don't accept or think it's normal that he did that to our family. But I grew up with half siblings and after he passed away, we haven't spoken since- he was our only bond. [/quote]

Me again. Your kids will come to their own conclusion about their father when they come to an age to understand the facts. You can't control that. I guess my mother dished the dirt when she felt I was ready to handle it without giving too much detail. [/quote]

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