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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Thanks for checking in.  I'm ok.  I actually think there might be something wrong with me.  Spent the day sorting through stuff while the kids wee at school, and it wasn't emotional at all.  No tears.  Just business... that's mine, that's yours.  Shouldn't this be more emotional?

Today he went out to Costco and stocked up on all sorts of stuff for our home.  Why would he do that?  He's moving out in less than a week.  Why did he go buy a months worth of frozen meat, toilet paper, etc.?  It isn't for his new place, he would have just brought it there.  It kind of pisses me off that he is still doing stuff like this.  I can take care of myself and the boys.

We had our first session with the mediator a few days ago to work out the separation agreement and it went well.  I have to admit I took great pleasure in telling the mediator, matter of factly,  that I want him to agree to waive spousal support if he gets fired from his job as a result of the affair he had with his subordinate.  He's humiliated, as he should be.  He agreed to it, though.

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Fwiw, I found the limbo period the most upsetting.  When I found out about the affair, when he was refusing to answer questions about it, when he lied about it, when he pressured me to stay together even though it wasn't clear whether he would be faithful or not, each day brought a new trauma and more tears.

When I finally kicked him out it was a huge relief.  There was nothing left to cry about. I was not afraid to be alone. I was not afraid to take care of myself and the kids.  I had no sexual interest or love left for him after all the lies he told, so it didn't hurt to see him or if I knew he was dating.  I had full physical custody of the kids, so I wasn't so worried about them in his care; he could manage for a few hours at a time.  I was able to first stay, then move to a residential situation that was best for the kids and me.  I didn't care about possessions, so splitting them wasn't painful.  I was in control of my life again and could arrange it in a way that was healthy and predictable.  Everyone else in my life ( friends, family) is stable and supportive of me.

Now that he is gone, there is nothing left to cry about.

Since then, I have only cried when he has done something that hurts the kids - giving up his time at Christmas with them, marrying someone they didn't know, skipping visitation, etc.  That is painful to watch.  A person who has an affair, especially long term is incapable of understanding and balancing the needs of others against their own in a healthy way.  This often comes out with the kids in their parenting.  That's when I cried.
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I'm just like the PP above.  I mourned the death of the marriage so much while we were working out the little details prior to the separation and I was so miserable that by the time the plans were in place for him to leave it was not nearly as painful or difficult.  The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.  It sounds like you have already sort of come to terms with everything.  It is a rollercoaster though and you will have ups and downs, especially at the beginning.  My own situation was also easier because like the PP I could care less about our material things and there was no fighting over who got what.  My husband and I are actually amicable so far and in retrospect I think the dissolution of my marriage maybe been a very positive thing in my life.  I don't have anyone else (newly separated) but I no longer come last in the family hierarchy.  It's fabulous.[/quote]

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