Reply to New boyfriend, has a child he never sees.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Guy perspective here: Mother runs off to another state and takes his child with her. He has no control over this, but he does the right thing and pays child support. Mother establishes new life and child is in stable situation. He doesn't want to interfere with that.

I can see the logic in that, especially from a guy who hasn't raised a child yet. Once you do (as most of us here have), it seems unfathomable, but I totally could understand that logic before I had children. It's difficult for men to bond with a baby in the first year anyway (I know from experience), so he may not have had much opportunity to develop a bond with the baby before his girlfriend moved her away.[/quote]

Yes, I agree. (And I'm a woman)[/quote]

I agree, too.

I also agree with the poster who said its unreal how sanctimonious some of you are when every other post on here is about a guy who doesn't step up and do his half of the parenting work. Look in the mirror, people.[/quote]

I think the second part of this post is interesting, and true.  There are TONS of families on DCUM where the father basically does nothing parenting-wise but provide money.  I'll bet a bunch of the women chewing this guy out are posting "My DH doesn't do his to-do list!" or "DH can't be alone with the baby!" an hour later.  [/quote]

I understand clinically what the first guy PP is saying here but its still a BS cop out. People OBJECTIVELY know that when you have a kid you have an obligation to parent. They don't always do it but they know its the right thing to do. It's like seeing a woman with a Chanel bag drop a 100 dollar bill. You could certainly rationalize keeping it for yourself but you do actually KNOW that the right thing to do is to give it back (and there's way less at stake in that analogy obviously).

I actually almost dumped my now husband because his brother had done this and the family seemed to just let him get away with it and I was so disgusted with them all. I found out that my DH had kept tabs on the girl, at least enough to know she was alright, even while his entire family never mentioned her and that made me feel good about him.

Even before I had children, the idea that I could have abandoned a child was repulsive to me. I just couldn't, if I knew they were out there I'd be on a plane. And equating being completely absentee with not doing bedtimes and daycare pickups is insane. A reliable male figure in your life (ESPECIALLY a girl's life) is really important and if Dad is in the house and treating kids with love then regardless of how his DW feels about his contributions, the KIDS are getting a lot out of his presence. One can be annoyed that their DH can't be left alone with the baby and disgusted by a man who walks away entirely and be consistent.[/quote]

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