Reply to An immigrants musings on the SAHM vs working mom debate

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am an immigrant from India. While India and Pakistan - both are third world countries, women are encouraged to become educated in all fields - Humanities, Liberal Arts, STEM - in India.   I am used to seeing so many professional women in India, even in fields that are traditionally male dominated (in armed forces, commercial pilots, police, STEM), that I feel the struggles of an educated, working, urban mom in India is very similar to that of a working, educated, urban mom in this country. Namely, how to balance home-work life, especially when children are involved.

OP, I am glad that you are happy working and appreciate the opportunity to be financially independent. Your feelings of gratefulness for working has been informed by the upbringing that you had where you were pigeonholed into a role. This kind of financial freedom you talk about  has been afforded to women in many societies, where civil liberties are granted to people regardless of gender, religion, age, sexual orientation, disability etc. That is the purpose of a true democracy. [/quote]

I wanted to add that I have many friends in India who transitioned from working to being SAHMs. Every woman wants to do what is best for their family. Sometimes it is to be a SAHM and sometimes it is to be a WOHM.  I am happy that I had this choice in India and also in US.  
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The struggles of an educated, working, urban mom in India (and in Pakistan, for that matter) are somewhat mitigated by two things: 1) an expectation that a working woman should have domestic help, and 2) availability of moderately priced domestic help that makes it available to the middle classes, not just the upper classes.

My husband is from the Gulf.  Despite the many limitations on women's rights in his country, there is one thing that I appreciate about the culture, and it is the expectation that if a woman works, she needs maids and nannies.  No one (at least in his family) expects that a woman will work AS WELL AS cook, clean and take care of babies.  In fact, even SAHMs of middle class families and above are expected to have domestic help.  My MIL was aghast that we don't have any live-in help, and I explained to her that it's too expensive in the U.S.  She was unhappy for me that I have to work AND take care of the house.  She said it's too much.  My MIL is illiterate and never worked outside the home a day in her life. Yet she is of a firm conviction that if you work, you need help at home and there's no shame in getting it. [/quote]

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