Reply to Why do western people have such disregard for family?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What I see in most Asian families who I know and who continue to reside with their parents after marriage is that a lot of grandparent cannot support themselves. They worked hard and invested their money in their children education (including paying cash for Columbia or Harward). Now, when their kids have a successful carriers, they prefer to leave in one big mention in the prestigious neighborhood, rather than buy something small that they can afford after retirement. The problem that I see with these families is that children still actively using their parents. I know several Asian families, where is daughter, like OP, is happy to have parents to live with them. What does it equals to usually, that the grandparent working as a free house maids doing all cooking, grocery shopping, house cleaning, taking grandchildren to the doctors appointments, etc. In some sense, it is sad, because instead of leaving their own life after their kids grew up, they are living theirs kids life. [/quote]
You don't get it.  There is no "living their own life" for grandparents like this.  Family is life. Seeing your kids become successful, seeing your grandkids grow up, nurturing this relationship is life. Everything else is just a minor diversion.

My mom lives with us. She doesn't do any driving or grocery shopping or cooking, but she happily spends time with the grandkids and in fact acted pretty much like their nanny when they were infants. She delights in this. Although she keeps up with her friendships, she doesn't want to spend most of her time around old people. Her words verbatim, "what do old people think and talk about? Just what's ahead of them. Decline and death. When you're around young people, you are carried by their energy because the trajectory of their lives still moves forward, not downward."  She can think of no happier setup then spending her golden years with her grown kids.  [/quote]

Yes! And my jerk-ass fiancé cannot understand this. We have spent years and 1000s of dollars in therapy trying to figure this out. He and the therapies make me think I am insane for suggesting this! But this is the only thing that makes sense![/quote]

I know PLENTY of older, retired people who make their own life IN ADDITION to visits/spending time with/communicating with family:
Church activities
Volunteering/charities
Community engagement
Vacations and travel
Writing their memoirs/family ancestry/"caretaking" history projects for the family
Hobbies like photography, knitting

Hell, you know what's a great day for my parents? Spending time together, brewing a second pot of coffee, playing "Words with Friends", dinner and a movie. Just a relaxed life that they have earned! They LIKE peace, quiet and order, and they have that now after 3 rowdy kids! They are super fun grandparents, but they always will be introverts, and don't want to live with anyone but themselves, at least for now.[/quote]

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