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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Interesting to see the different perspectives.  A couple clarifications:

My sister was never an addict or anything close.  I think it would be fair to describe her as a pothead though.  It was a lifestyle thing, not a dependency thing.  She was a bit of a slacker too I would say.  But not either of those things anymore.

I do not have a problem cobbling together 50k.  Getting $$ from mom isn't make or break.  I just don't think gifts this big should go to one sib and not the other.  It is a matter of principle.

I am not resentful of my sis at all.  I am happy for her to be buying a house and really settling down.  She's a good person, and I am happy for her.  She is also responsible with money, so I don't think she'll be back needing more handouts.  This is a one-time thing.[b]  Again, my issue is that mom is investing a big piece of her resources in one child but not the other in order to even out our lifestyles I guess.  I feel like kids should get the same help and be left to their own devices. [/b] Exceptions would be for drastic situations like overwhelming medical bills.  [/quote]

OP, I understand that you feel this way, but an overwhelming number of posts on this thread should show you that not everyone does.  It's great that you can feel generous toward your sister, but you should also allow that your mother might have different standards of what she considers "fair".  While I can't say whether I'd do exactly what your mom did, I do think I'd probably lean more in the direction of giving each kid what they need instead of the exact same thing.  It's fine for you to feel differently and implement that with your own kids, but unless your mom ever promised you otherwise you should probably let it go.

I will say, though, that I don't think it would hurt to address your feelings (not what you think she should do) with your mom directly.  This kind of resentment can really eat away at a parent-child relationship.  My sister is the only one of us three siblings who did not go to grad school, and she still feels very resentful that my parents have helped us siblings more than her (she would have liked an investment in her DH's business instead).  My dad knows this bothers her, but no one has spoken openly about it so it just sort of seethes underneath.  The reality actually is that my sister thinks my dad has helped me more than he has and is unwilling to hear otherwise from me...but regardless, I think they'd both be happier with each other if they just talked about it directly.[/quote]

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