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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

[b]Men need to understand that many women lose sexual attraction to their husbands once they are in stable relationships.[/b]  This study found half of women over 30 in relationships of 4 years or longer did not want to have regular sex.  Yet, men in long term relationships did not report a drop off in desire for sex.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4790313.stm

It's just a difference in the sexes.  Men are surprised by it because often marriage is the first long term relationship (over four years) they have been in.  And they are comparing the sex they had with their now wives - who are older, have hormonal changes, more responsibility, kids groping them and around the house, etc. with the sex they had when everyone was younger, healthier, living single without kids sleeping in the next room, feeling better about their bodies, etc.

Point being - OP - I don't think it's "you."  I think your wife would be just as sick of sleeping with any man she was married to for so many years.  (Caveat - obviously sometimes its personal - lots of people have commented on their husbands getting fat, having poor hygiene, only approaching them for sex and not otherwise caring about their emotional well-being, refusing to be considerate in bed).  None of those caveats seem to apply to you, OP.  You are going to have to decide/accept whether being married is worth more to you than having hot sex.  Aim to keep the ok/occasional sex that is better than average when she is ovulating.  I don't think having frequent, hot sex is a realistic goal for long term married men.

[/quote]

I agree that many women lose their attraction, and I agree men generally do not suffer this drop off in desire for sex.
But I do NOT agree that frequent hot sex is an unrealistic goal for married men ! Of course if that is what you really believe then it's no wonder you are only getting monthly duty sex.

I am a long term married man, and I AM having fairly frequent, fairly hot sex, even though my wife has (like alot of women) lost her sex drive.
That is because both me and wife understand that an active sex life is important to us remaining happily married. It has taken alot of work, several fights, and some marriage counseling before reaching this point of stability. And it could change down the road. But for now, it all works for us both.

The other alternative, if my wife were so uncompromising as to avoid a regular sex life, is that we remain married but I have discreet affairs to meet my completely normal and legitimate sexual needs. That too would achieve the goal of fairly frequent/hot sex for this long term married man. If my wife and I somehow can't keep our sexual connection going, that remains an option to preserve our marriage. And Yes, I would tell her before venturing out (notice I did not say "ask her permission"). Life is too short to remain near celibate in a sexless marriage.[/quote]

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