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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Although she makes it very clear that she loves me very much, I'm pretty sure my DW is not sexually attracted to me.  I believe she finds me attractive on an aesthetic level (I'm a good looking guy, look young for my age, in great shape, etc.) but after 10 yrs of marriage, I can't remember if she has ever given me that "I want you!" vibe.  She's certainly never said it and she doesn't show it.

We do have sex, and it's pretty good, occasionally great, but honestly, when we're doing it, I feel as if I could be anyone.  She'll be more enthusiastic when she's ovulating but the rest of the time it's pretty clear she could take it or leave it.  If I stopped asking for it, she wouldn't miss it.  In the past when I've given up on sex and stopped asking for it she would very occasionally suggest it when I think she began to worry that she might lose me.

I'm interested to hear from spouses who don't find their DW or DH sexually attractive.  Not because you're angry and bitter or in an abusive relationship, but because somehow they just don't do it for you.

And please explain why.  [b]Have you always felt this way or is it something that developed over time?[/b] Is it boredom? Is it because they let themselves go? Is it stress from work, parenthood, etc.? Are you still pining for an ex? Something else?

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[b]Men need to understand that many women lose sexual attraction to their husbands once they are in stable relationships.[/b][u]  This study found half of women over 30 in relationships of 4 years or longer did not want to have regular sex.  Yet, men in long term relationships did not report a drop off in desire for sex.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4790313.stm

It's just a difference in the sexes.  Men are surprised by it because often marriage is the first long term relationship (over four years) they have been in.  And they are comparing the sex they had with their now wives - who are older, have hormonal changes, more responsibility, kids groping them and around the house, etc. with the sex they had when everyone was younger, healthier, living single without kids sleeping in the next room, feeling better about their bodies, etc.

Point being - OP - I don't think it's "you."  I think your wife would be just as sick of sleeping with any man she was married to for so many years.  (Caveat - obviously sometimes its personal - lots of people have commented on their husbands getting fat, having poor hygiene, only approaching them for sex and not otherwise caring about their emotional well-being, refusing to be considerate in bed).  None of those caveats seem to apply to you, OP.  You are going to have to decide/accept whether being married is worth more to you than having hot sex.  Aim to keep the ok/occasional sex that is better than average when she is ovulating.  I don't think having frequent, hot sex is a realistic goal for long term married men.

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