Reply to Do you tell the wife that her wonderful husband cheated on her for two years?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To the above...

Yes, I have read the entire thread and I saw the examples assuming the worst of people. My question is still why is it not okay to tell simply out of sisterhood and wanting the other person to know she is being shit on?[/quote]

It is OK in most cases - but not all.  To puppet myself, I would not tell a woman who is in late pregnancy and I would not tell a person who just lost a parent - at least not then!  To me, "sisterhood" is more than telling a woman that her man has cheated.  To me, it is having the compassion to understand the revealing what you know might not always be the right thing to do [u][b]right then[/b][/u]. IMHO, saying that "there will be chaos whenever she finds out, so I am going to tell her now" or "I don't know how she will react and it may unleash holy hell on her given all she has on her plate, but I going to tell her out of sisterhood" is not compassionate to me.  Of course, the cheater is ultimately to blame but a lack of consideration by the messenger can make an awful situation much worse.

As far as assuming the worst in people, there are "associates" in my social circle that I KNOW would not have my best interests in mind based on experiences with them.  If they told me my DH was cheating,[b] it would be difficult for me to automatically think their motives were sincere - [/b]there is a history there.  And some people just want to see the (your) world burn. [/quote]

Okay, but again, why is your concern with the messengers motive and not focused on your cheating spouse? What is confusing me is why so many people are concerned with the motives of the person giving the message and NOT the fact the person they married is the one breaking a vow.

And yes, I get the pregnancy thing and the dead parent thing. This isn't about the person relaying the news. To me I am reading over and over and over again that wives prefer to have a reason NOT to know what their husbands are doing wrong and that in doing so they can place blame on the intentions of the person telling them. If the intentions of the person telling them are not 100% angelic and compassionate then it is okay for the spouse to cheat and the wife to not be told.[/quote]

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