Reply to Don't Let a Guy Waste Your Most Eligible Years

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[quote=Anonymous]I was widowed too.  My kids are grown now but they were 1 and 6 when their dad died.  What is invisible is when they lost their dad, they lost me, because I ended up working two jobs, then ended up going to medical school, which meant I was absent for seven years.  My mom helped a lot and his mom helped some in the summers.  Then I traded a place to live for child care with another mom who wanted to be a more stay at home mom.  Both my kids are very proud of me, but even they will say they didn't see their mom for seven  years.....even though nights and weekends I was home, but I was studying a lot.

On the other side, my sons and I are very close now.  They both moved to live close to me, and we routinely do things together. They were kind of crappy teens, but they grew out of it.  Neither are very academic, I think if I had been home and did homework with them more I could have nurtured that, but they're both good people.

I think they will end up wanting therapy at some point in their life because of all the loss.  I don't think they are very well adjusted, and I don't think they are very resilient.  People think you go through hard times that it makes you stronger.  Maybe.  But sometimes I see that you are so worn out, when the next crisis comes, there's nothing left to draw on as resources to cope.  It's like those walls are worn out.[/quote]

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