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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I appreciate your thoughts, truly. Thank you.

The first therapy session was helpful. It was a relief to say everything out loud as all I've done is pour it out here over the web. It was suggested that my husband pursue his own counseling, which he is, and that we wait to start marriage counseling until he has spent some time on himself. [b]The counselor said it could be months before he gets to a place where he truly has figured out what led him to his actions[/b], and until he may sort out what he needs to focus on changing and improving in his life and actions. I had thought we would begin couples counseling as soon as we could find a good counselor, and not wait potentially for a month, two months etc. I need to think about this because I feel that going sooner will help me feel more comfortable that steps are being taken, and it may help me figure out how to communicate with him during this time. I've mostly been avoiding, and he understands that. He has made it clear that he will talk or give me space at any time.

I have no idea how we get back to any semblance of normal life while we sort this out. He has respectfully been following my cues - if I come home late and go straight to bed, he won't ask to talk. If I knock on the guest room and want to talk he talks. We can't do this forever. I eventually have to have dinner with him again, sort through bills together. I just dont know how to do that. I despise living these separate lives down the hall from each other. But I also obviously am not ready to go back to regular life. For now I am leaning on distance. I'm at a hotel this weekend, and away on business most of next week. That will afford us some time to think and be alone. I selfishly want him to feel alone and aware of it every second I am away. Selfishly I want him to think about why he is alone and not spending a holiday weekend with his new wife, and what life would be like alone if I walk away.

It is just an awful and lonely time right now and I am so heartbroken. [/quote]

OP, I have no idea if this is going to be helpful or crass or not.  But just a thought - I think you and the therapist may be over thinking things.  He cheated because having sex with people feels good, you weren't around, and he thought he was going to get away with it (and did until a vengeful other woman decided to ruin your life).  Men do stupid things with their penis (women aren't perfect either).  It's not like you were long time married and seemingly happy and have something deep to deconstruct.  All in all, men are simple when it comes to sex.  You weren't available, she was, he had sex with her.  Selfish of him?  Of course.  A pathology?  No.

You will never have a guarantee that you won't be cheated on again - by him or any man you are with.  If he seems remorseful, ditch the therapy and get on with life.[/quote]

Exactly.  Except if the therapist gave this kind of advice no one would need her and would go out of business.

OP get over it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Move on!!!!!!  Forgive.  Discuss with your spouse how and why this won't happen again.  You seem overky focused on your feelings.  Have you thought about how your Husband feels since you won't forgive him?!?![/quote]

Yes, OP, don't be selfish. Forgive your poor, suffering husband. Think about his feelings. He did what he wanted to do and lied to you because that's what seemed the thing to do at the time. Focus your anger on the "other woman" who reported his lies to you. She doesn't have the right to feel unhappy and upset with him any more than you do.[/quote]

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