Reply to How do I deal with this? SN son not invited to party but he thinks he is

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Reply to "How do I deal with this? SN son not invited to party but he thinks he is"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
My own 2 cents. I would probably choose the option of finding a fun special outing for my child on the day of the party, but if I chose to contact the mother of the birthday child, I would probably say "I understand that Larla's birthday party is coming up. I thought you might like to know that Larla is verbally inviting some children in class, like my son, who have not been sent invitations to the party. You might want to encourage her not to talk about the party in class since not everyone was invited."

This tells her that you aren't putting her in the awkward spot of trying to get her to invite your son on the spot unless she really wants to, but serves as a notice to her that this is happening. Then she can decide whether she can include your son somehow. It also gives her a response if your son wasn't invited. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I'll definitely talk to Larla about that. Thank you."

[quote]Just goes to show why email can be such a tough medium. In general, I think it's ok to contact the mom in this situation - but the suggestion above is by far the worst way of handling it that's been suggested so far. It conveys quite a bit of anger and annoyance and if I received that note I'd not feel inclined to be friendly toward this family

[quote] Agree. I've opined in favor of checking in with the Mom, but don't adopt the tone of "here's a suggestion on how to parent your kid." No parent likes to hear that. Just advise them of the situation, get clarity on whether your child is actually invited, and leave it to the other parent to handle their own family dynamics.

[quote]I agree.  This is a problem I have encountered regularly with kids around the K-1st grade age group.  They don't understand that they don't have authority to invite their friends places, and extend verbal invites to play dates, events, etc. that their parents did not approve.  On the one hand, it is nice to know that the kids WANT to include DS and DD, but it can lead to confusion and hurt feelings.  But it is a problem endemic of the age.[/quote][/quote][/quote][/quote]

First PP above.  And for me, the alternate that has been proposed, to say "Larla has invited Jack to her birthday party, is he invited or not?" is just more rude.  It comes across as "you didn't invite my child, why and aren't you going to invite him, now?"  It doesn't just let her know that this happened, but the latter part of "is he invited or not" comes across as a request to have your child join the party even though he wasn't invited.  You're essentially trying to get your child invited to the party and that's just rude.

So, seeing as my suggestion came across as trying to "suggest how to parent your kid," in the future, it this happens, I guess the only way to handle this is to let it go and just find something else fun for my child to do.  Unless others like the suggestion one PP had of having Jack tell Larla that he wasn't invited because her mom didn't send an invitation, so then Larla can talk to her mother about it.  What say the hive mind?[/quote]

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