Reply to SIL just sent out the most obnoxious "coming to visit the new family" e-mail

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Reply to "SIL just sent out the most obnoxious "coming to visit the new family" e-mail"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I think the parents asking for help with chores was an honest plea for help and not a rude demand. I think most of us would never ask but would have loved it. [/quote]

No, it's rude, presumptuous and unbelievably lazy. I would never have welcomed my friends into my home with the expectation of having them scrub my toilets or do my laundry. Ever. Under any circumstances. And I'd feel horrified and humiliated if they took it upon themselves to do these things on my behalf. Being a parent is learning to multitask. And I genuinely don't understand why new parents are incapable of putting dirty clothes in a washing machine - it's not like they're doing any real work in the process.

I had 2 kids, and no help for either of them. I think I got one meal each time. It's not rocket science, folks, have some freezer meals or order take-out or get prepared foods from a grocery store. Having a new baby was hard both times, but honestly it was the baby part - not the laundry or the cooking.

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I wouldn't ask but I will always remember the friends that showed up and just did something, anything for me.  My house was in pretty good shape at one point, and my friend wouldn't leave without doing something.  She emptied the dishwasher.  I always go in and take care of dishes or whatever I can do when visiting a  new mom.[/quote]

+1
Head smacking on keyboard.
Of course, I am ancient, but as a mother of HS, MS and ES school kids, I vividly remember feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, sore, you name it, after my first kid was born.  I also remember the unbelievable kindness and generosity of friends and family.  Crazy generous.  Countless people dropped off meals, flowers, movies for me to watch, threw in a load of laundry, picked up some groceries, and yes, held the baby so I could in a get nap or shower. They probably vacuumed for me too (my housekeeping memories from that time are a bit vague).  They did the same when I had kid two and again with kid three. I never remember asking for anything, or putting limitations on anything.  I do remember plopping out a bottle of hand sanitizer, but most folks were savvy enough to wash their hands before holding the baby.  I had velcro babies, so while I loved wearing them, I also loved the break.  And enjoyed sharing them.  Who doesn't love watching someone admire your new baby. I can't imagine sending out a mass request for ANYTHING, much less setting rules on how to help.  I'm pretty sure that if someone overstayed their welcome, I would just say I'm tired and hope they could come back again soon, or something like that.  Being a new parent is an adjustment like no other, but she is foolishly chasing her support system away.  And as all parents know, you need your people!  And you'll need to be there for when your friend has her first (or second or third) baby.  Or gets ill and needs backup.  Or a kid gets sick and she needs someone to watch the other kids while she runs them to the docs.  
She'll be lucky to get a frozen lasagna.  Or any kind of help. I bet she doesn't even write thank you notes.  I feel sorry for her and her new family.[/quote]

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