Reply to If DH is a law firm partner, must I be the default parent?

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Reply to "If DH is a law firm partner, must I be the default parent?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, unless you want your child to be brought up by a nanny. If that is the case, get a good one. And a great preschool also.[/quote]

This is exactly right.  As a law firm partner, his clients come first so by definition he cannot commit to any family obligations.[/quote]

So there are two solutions for his problem of child care for his child.

1. He can compromise.
2. He can tell OP that she has to compromise.

There are a lot of unexamined assumptions here.[/quote]

The thing is, he can't compromise.  The compromise is to get a nanny.  The law firm partner (assuming a top tier firm) is never going to be able to cancel a meeting to take a sick kid to the doctor or commit to show up at a play or sports game.  Once in a while it will work out, and the partner can come to a sports event or chaperone a field trip, but the other spouse or nanny has got to be there as a back-up if the partner suddenly has a big meeting come up.  Just the way it is. [/quote]

This just isn't true. My dad is a (litigation) partner at one of the top firms in DC, and when my brothers were in high school, came to every single Langley lacrosse game for four years running -- and he wasn't the only similarly situated team dad who did. I work in biglaw now and I see it all the time -- there are people who want to make it work with family, and those who don't. It's not always perfect, but nearly all the time, it's a personality and priorities question, not a job issue.[/quote]

There is a HUGE gap between actually pulling your weight at home, and just making it to 2 hockey games a week and a doctor's appointment every now and then. [b]As a matter of physics, it's just impossible to be as involved a parent/spouse if you work in biglaw, because biglaw requires so much of your time, all the time. [/b] There are a FEW niches with lower hourly requirements (like my friend who is a partner specializing in public housing finance at a big firm) but mostly you're going to be working 60+hrs/week  unpredictably.  Yes, if you are committed you can probably make it to some sports games and doctor's appointments ... once you make partner. But forget about it when you are an associate and do not control your schedule.  And I can't even imagine how it works with younger kids who have a lot more needs, more sickness, more time intensive requirements.  [b]There's just no way a law partner or associate gunning for partner can be a hands-on parent and partner[/b]. [/quote]

For the record, this is simply not true.  Law firms are still far behind many other industries in allowing for a work/life balance, but it's incorrect to say that it's impossible to be an involved parent and a partner in biglaw.  I should know because I am one and I'm also the default parent.  DH has an equally busy and stressful job.  He definitely pulls his weight, but I choose to be the deafult.  It's obviously not easy, but there are ways to make it work if you want to.  Those of you making assumptions otherwise either have spouses who aren't great at managing their time or have no personal experience to speak of.[/quote]

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