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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP -I totally get what you are saying.  Here's what I have learned based on my experience.  My in-laws and my parents both always say how they can handle things fine and will insist on this, even if I question them or recommend they get assistance, etc.  In their minds, they have been parents to young children before so watching grandkids is the same, right?  Even if you try to convince them otherwise, they will always insist that they can handle it.  And, if your parents/in-laws are like mine, they can't.  When they are in the middle of actually caring for the kids, this realization will sink in to them, and it will make them mad.  They are older folks now and are not used to caring for kids and the mess and "charm" that kids bring.  They think they are caring for them when you are there too, but as we know, you are doing the work and they are just spectators.  Being the one in charge is completely different.  When they realize this, they become angry and there is no one but you to take this anger out on.  They will say you didn't "appreciate" what they did, etc., anything to deflect from the reality that they are no longer equipped to deal with child care for long periods of time.  This reality hurts and it makes them mad.  Also, as you know with kids, you need to be able to punt when things happen (spills, illness, poop, etc) and some grandparents, in their age, simply can't do this or are not used to it.  So, any little problem, like poop, spilled milk, etc., flusters them to no end.

I've been there!  If I were you, I would just let them simmer and leave them alone for a little while.  Don't try to talk this out because they will not see your point of view.  Let them simmer and leave them alone, then visit them or see them again and don't mention this experience again.  Now, if they are like my family, after some time, they will forget all about this and again, insist they can handle the kids, feel free to leave them, etc.  This has happened to me and I am always SHOCKED at their short memories.  Don't, and I mean don't, let them convince you!  Remember what happened this time and learn from it.  Don't leave you kids with them again unless there is some support, and when I mean support, I mean someone who does everything while they just act like "grandparents."  I, literally, had to write down my last experience with my parents so I could remember not to get suckered in by them again.  They always insist that they can handle my kids and then freak out at little things, get frustrated, and subsequently take out their anger at me.  Don't let this happen to you again.

Note that some grandparents are nothing like this.  They are fabulous with the kids, spills and all.  Also, my parents and in-laws are great people and normally great with my kids.  But, they have limitations and are not secure enough in themselves to own and admit their limitations, which is why I have had this similar experience.[/quote]

+1000. You nailed it, PP.  You should write a parenting advice column. [/quote]

This advice is bullshit. The crux of it is that grandparents are angry at themselves for not being up to the task of being parents. Not so! They are in fact angry at parents for making them perform what is not their job. Insofar as they are angry at themselves, it's for accepting to do it, not for not doing it well. The only correct thing in this advice is that people forget and their mistakes.[/quote]

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