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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm going to offer a different perspective. I think it's unlikely your husband will leave. Sadly, I agree with PP's that there's more going on with "Jane" than you know. Maybe more than you want to know.

But dismantling the life your family has would be logistically quite difficult. You're a SAHM mom to 3 young kids, he has a "good" govt job. Run the numbers in your head: how would he support the 4 of you from a distance and maintain a separate residence? Where would the money come from for a divorce? How would this "good" guy react to no longer living with his children? (He won't get custody of 3 young kids, despite PP's scary statements).

My guess is that the reason many men don't actually leave, but still fuck around (pardon my French), is that it's just plain easier. I seriously doubt your husband is interesting in watching his life implode, even if it meant "Jane" and him could live happily ever after. Because deep down, he knows what that actually looks and feels like, and it ain't glamorous. Clandestine sex, however, is. I'm sure Jane does want your husband to leave. I bet he doesn't though.

Here's the bad news: he probably won't leave, but he probably won't stop what he's doing, either. Which means you have to decide what to do. I agree with PP's that the two of you won't move forward in the currently dishonest climate in your home. I realize how painful this must be, but I think you are going to have to literally bust him to make him face reality. Key logger, VAR, whatever. Just get the proof and there's your conversation. It sounds like you two started off well in your earlier years, and 3 kids in a short time span can derail most people. So you can get back to a good place.

Once you have the whole story, you may be surprised to wonder if you actually want to. But at least then you'll be making an actual choice. [/quote]

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