Reply to Second Shift - sucks for dads too

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "Second Shift - sucks for dads too"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The problem is that OP makes it sound so unfair that he has a second shift and how that is somehow under appreciated. Like he is not supposed to have a second shift but society has conspired to give him one. Meanwhile women just expect it.

This is the thing I notice about men who split parenting and housework relatively equally with their wives (who also work) - they consider it some kind of huge notable thing that they are MEN who have to balance work with family obligations. If they see a lot of men dropping off kids at daycare, they think to themselves, "wow, these men are so evolved" without thinking about the absurdity and injustice of the alternative - dumping both drop off and pickup on the wives that ALSO have jobs. It's not "evolved" that there are men at daycare drop off, it means there are two working parents and the men are more likely to do drop off so they can work later.[/quote]

My husband and his friends, all of whom have wives who work, some of whom are the breadwinners, think men who don't do stuff like drop their kids off are lazy and pathetic excuses for husbands and fathers. They don't pat themselves on the back, they feel sorry for the wives with waste of space husbands. [/quote]

Yeah the way people talk about men doing parenting and housework on DCUM is completely foreign to me. I know very few families where dad doesn't do drop off or pickup or both, I know more families where mom doesn't cook dinner than where dad doesn't cook dinner. No one talks about it as a big deal, it's just a thing.[/quote]

I'm so happy for you

My brother has a 1 year old and when we talk he'll sometimes refer dramatically to the days when he is the "primary parent". Can you imagine a woman saying that?[/quote]

who makes more money and has a more demanding job - (regardless of sex) that's the primary breadwinner, which makes the other spiuce the primary parent[/quote].

What if they both work 50 hours/week, but one makes 20% less. They need both incomes. [b]Are you suggesting the partner that makes more gets to shirk at home, even though they are both home the same #of hours? I don’t understand. [/quote][/b]

Yes, that’s exactly what most people on Dcum think. If you make less money you have to do more at home in terms of childcare and household responsibilities. It doesn’t matter if your job is the same  amount of hours as your spouse.

Since now I’m aware that so many people actually think this way, I’ll encourage my daughters to go into more lucrative careers so that they can have a more equitable marriage where responsibilities are divided fairly. [/quote]

Ah, but under DCUM logic, the lower-earning partner only has to do more work at home if she's a woman. If the woman earns more, she can't expect her husband to be the primary parent or do more housework -- that's apparently emasculating.

The DCUM solution is for both parents to make lots of money, and outsource the work at home to much lower paid immigrant women. This is the only way to have an "equitable" marriage according to DCUM. I don't know, maybe that's true.[/quote]

I think there's a bigger issue at play here. I can speak for myself, at least, but I don't want what some 1950s dad had. I am the higher earner with a pretty high-profile job, and my husband is a great partner and leans in a ton. That said, I still want to do as much as I can with my kids and for my household. Maybe it's hard-wired into me as a mother/woman, but I didn't have kids to out-source them, even to my partner. 
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics