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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Being blunt here... What did you expect if you send her to an expensive private school? Do you drive expensive cars? What does that teach her?

Your kid doesn't know anything different.  She is surrounded by wealth, and people who have expensive things.  What did you expect?
[/quote]

I posted the first question asking if she attended private and this is what I was thinking.  I suspected it wasn't her being just superficial. All kids want to do is fit in.  You send her to school with kids she can't fit in with economically what do you expect?  Not saying its resolved with public school depending on the neighborhood but publkc schools tend to be more economically diverse.  If all the kids vacation in Europe, ski in Aspen or wear brand name clothes what do you think will happen?  You have to put in the work to instill other values.

She is normal.[/quote]

Agree with this. She just wants things her peers have and fit in. Normal stage of growing up. [/quote]

But she has two miserly parents who only want the cheapest discount clothes from Target or elsewhere. Daughter probably feels like she sticks out like a sore thumb in her school environment. Why would the parents do that to her? They aren’t going to force her to see it their way. I had a friend who resorted to shoplifting because her parents were so unreasonable and ridiculously cheap and she was ashamed of her old out of style clothes.[/quote]

NP. Did a 13 yo write this? OP’s kid is not deprived. She has lululemon, for cryin’ out loud. My kids have not behaved this way (fwiw, they attend economically diverse schools, and we do not overspend and are comfortable but not rich). I never behaved this way. One of my brothers wanted name brand stuff. My parents told him he could have it as birthday & Christmas presents. He ended up finding it boring to get nothing but clothes for Christmas, but OP’s kid might like it.

OP, you are doing the right thing by not giving in to shallow materialism. I agree with others that if she can earn money, or even save up a reasonable allowance, she can buy stuff for herself. Or get those kinds of things as gifts.

It’s not just about how much money you have, but also making good financial decisions (& not being wasteful). For example, even if I had several million dollars, I’m not going to pay $10 for a loaf of bread if can get it for $3 somewhere else.[/quote]

[b]Yes because 12 yr olds really care about taking good financial decisions.[/b] One would argue sending her to a wealthy private school isn't a good financial decision. She didn't choose to be there. And then her parents are jerks about buying her normal clothes.[/quote]

They don't have to care about it. They're not paying the bills, their parents are, so parents decide what to buy. Princess can get a job if she doesn't like it.[/quote]

There are things like labor laws to prevent 12 year old “princesses” from getting jobs. Get real.[/quote]

She can save up allowance, ask for things for birthday/ holiday gifts until she's old enough to get a job. Children do not get to make financial decisions for their parents.[/quote]

NP. Are you suggesting 12 year olds save money to buy their own clothing? You are crazy. That is your job. You buy what you can afford. If your budget only allows for Walmart, then so be it, although I would encourage you to use birthdays and Christmas to buy special wish list items your young teen may want. If, on the other hand, your budget allows for mall brands, then do that for godsakes. This isn’t difficult.[/quote]

Parents' budgets are their own decisions. They can provide whatever brand of clothing they want. If the kids don't like it, too bad. They can spend their own money.[/quote]

That’s some dysfunctional authoritarian parenting. Hope it works out for you![/quote]

+100

These are the same people who refuse to pay for college, despite having the funds. Or make their kids take loans for “skin in the game.” [/quote]

What's actually dysfunctional is the posters who think everyone has to make the same parenting decisions you do. I'm not a "skin in the game" parent if it takes loans because I dislike loans more than I like skin in the game, but I certainly respect other parents' different preferences if they have different life experiences and values.[/quote]

It’s hard to respect the idea that parents make all the decisions such as “all the clothes will come from Target and the kids better like it!” When it’s easy to shop sales, used promo codes and get good deals elsewhere on name brand kids clothes. When your preferences and values seem to be about exerting control and dominance because it’s your money, it doesn’t send the message you think it does.[/quote]

Kids clothes yes, but these are adult.  This kid doesn’t want sake or clearance.  I’m not spending more on my kid and clothing than mine.  And, I would shut this down quickly.  And I’m a parent who spends thousands a month on activities, camps, tutoring, private lessons and more.  I will not think twice in dropping hundreds on something hobby related but I’m not spending $100 for pants or a shirt or even sneakers.  [/quote]

The goal posts keep moving. First it was Target or nothing now it’s well, up to $100. Seems like you talk the talk but don’t walk the walk. [/quote]

I spend plenty and our biggest part of our budget goes to our kids as we have no mortgage and live under our means.  I care more about them going debt free for college and grad school than them having a $$$ shirt they wear a dozen times. [/quote]

Bottom line is you’re not that rich. You have to make financial sacrifices others don’t. To have the money to buy the shirt and then just refuse because Walmart is perfectly fine and for no other reason is twisted and controlling. Your kids will resent you later for trying to control them with money.[/quote]

No sacrifices, don’t even monitor the bank account. Paid off house, cash for cars….but I also teach my kids the value of money.  They have expensive hobbies.  They’d rather $200-1k spent on that than clothing and shoes.  That stuff they enjoy and use for a lifetime.  I pretty much buy them anything they ask for as they are reasonable and not spoiled like yours.  They also work summers to fund their Roth IRA and we match the money so it’s our money going into the Ira.  We pay for everything so they can save.  But, I’m not buying $200 sneakers except for good reason like a professional athlete. [/quote]

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