Reply to Postcard as a wedding thank-you -- is this the new norm?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If there are any young women reading this thread, I hope you take this conversation as a cautionary tale about whom it is worth trying to please in this life.

You can do your best to follow every tacit social rule. You can twist yourself into a pretzel trying to make sure you always, only do things the "proper" way. And even then, you will always be just a mistake away from someone's sneering judgement and gossip.

Meanwhile nearly everything you do to please people like OP, and the PPs who talk about "low class" and "in my circle," takes away from the resources and energy to live your most meaningful life.

Your energy is finite. Your time is finite. Do not squander them trying to please some supercilious dowager who is quietly itemizing your every gaffe so she can declare you worthy (or not). She cannot see your real potential (and has likely traded hers for the ability to say "I belong"), so she doesn't care if you fulfill it. You must care.

Be kind. Be respectful. Be good. Be grateful. And also be willing to eschew the kind of coded social expectations that only serve to make you smaller. You are not small.  [/quote]

Thank you. This is amazing advice. From now on I’m going to [b]focus my finite energy on the things that really matter to me[/b], and make up victimhood stories to deflect responsibility for everything else. [/quote]

It's funny because I read someone who doesn't bother to thank people for gifts as ungrateful and I realize that I should not focus "my finite energy" on them.  [/quote]

Sure, you do you. Not all of us are good fits for one another. If, for example, you found that spending your finite energy on me was in some way harmful to you, I'd say, "Oh, then don't. Let's just wish each other well." Like, why would I want to cause you unnecessary stress?

Go. Be happy. I absolve you.

But for what it's worth, the couple that OP describes DID thank her! They were not ungrateful, not remotely. A lot of people in this thread seem to conflate not sending a traditional thank you with not thanking at all. [/quote]

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