Reply to I want to get away from friend groups/communities with this specific type of woman: where to go?

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Reply to "I want to get away from friend groups/communities with this specific type of woman: where to go?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have run in a variety of circles/SES levels in my life. I encounter these types in all of those places. I can ID them immediately. They don't bother me too much though maybe because I have an RBF and I give of no vibes of needing anything and/or I just don't care what they do or think.[/quote]

This is my goal. I want to just not care. I want to be able to respond to someone who is like "you know you should really be doing XYZ, like me -- here, let me help" with some sarcastic remark or just a dead stare and to walk away.
[b]
I was raised to be such a people pleaser and am really trying to undo that training but it's hard. I think I'm such a target for these women. I have finally figured out enough to recognize what they are doing and at least understand I don't want to be around it. But I still struggle to stand up to it. [/b]

I want to have enough comfort and confidence in myself to flex some power at them when they try to dominate in this way, so they learn to leave me alone. Right now I still lack the confidence. Argh. It's hard.[/quote]

Once you figure this out, you will stop attracting these people into your life and you'll also not pay that much attention to them.

One of the keys is that you can't be sarcastic or rude. You need to figure out how to just be completely unfazed by their requests and simply say no, while being polite. (being rude will trigger something bad in them.) No, smile, move on with your life. Don't really engage with their schemes, but don't be hostile about it.

[/quote]

I agree with this advice but can we take a moment to talk about the psychology of women like this taking advantage of people who have real vulnerabilities and how messed up that is?

Like one thing I've observed is that women like this don't really seem to understand what they are doing. They are, in one sense, socially stupid because they see a person like this who is a people pleaser or who has obvious insecurities but doesn't register those facts and adapt their behavior to them. Instead they just power right past it and wind up taking advantage of people like this, running them over, because it's a mean to an end, a way for them to get what they want by targeting people who will struggle to say no or put up a fight.

This is messed up. Yet women like this are often very socially rewarded and when they harm people the excuse is "well they didn't know." It almost seems sociopathic to me.

It reminds me of other situations where people in positions of power target people who are weak or who will struggle to resist in order to get what they want. If a man does this, for instance, by targeting people who are young or weak or insecure, I think most of us would recognize that to be exploitative and hold him accountable. Yet this is something women do to each other and it's normalized and rewarded. It's really curious to me.[/quote]

No one is going to baby you. Adult interactions are going to be more than "lets talk about our struggles and insecurities and validate each other's feelings and never ever provide even conversational, emotionally-neutral insights into what can change about a life situation." [/quote]

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