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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I only skimmed all the replies so forgive me if someone raised this. Is it possible to talk to your in laws? Are they reasonable?

One idea is to go to your in laws and ask for financial help for the family. No need to mention marriage problems and divorce. Just say that you are feeling overwhelmed with the debt and that you want to go back to work. Would they help pitch in for a nanny? You need to use their financial resources to get yourself some time to get a job. Even if you need to spend most of your income paying for the nanny, it is still worth it.

Once you have a job and a nanny, see where things are. Plan your independence and exit if you need to. Meanwhile you might have come to accept that he has no interest in spending time with the family and that is ok. If you can keep finances separate, your own career, and just ignore him and just pretend the family is you and the kids and he just does whatever he wants, maybe that is acceptable for you vs losing half custody. You can decide that later. You need time and space to decide your move. [/quote]

Think twice about the ILs. When I was in this boat, I reached out to my MIL, with whom I thought I was very close. She appeared to listen and even acknowledged how she had struggled with exDH when he was younger for the same reasons I was sharing, and expressed regret about how she raised him and complimented the hard work I was doing.

And then later she turned on me. Remember that these are the people who gave birth to and raised your DH. His shortcomings are something they are very aware of and either are the same as their own shortcomings or embarrass them. And given the choice between feeling shame at their own family or lashing out at the person who’s exposed their family shortcomings, what do you think they’ll choose?[/quote]

OP here. I can't remember if I addressed the initial comment about reaching out to the ILs.

If I didn't, it's a resounding HELL NO. My ILs are extremely vindictive people. Like.. bad.

My FIL is an incredibly angry misogynist and MIL is such a doormat that, even though she has been abused, she always sides with him no matter what.

So even though they're wealthy, they would 1000000% back up their son because, why wouldn't they? To not do so would be acknowledging their own shortcomings as parents, and that will NEVER happen.

I have even told my oldest that you never tell your grandfather what to do. Because you'll get an earful and then some.[/quote]

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