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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m one of the pp with a similar exh. Therapy made things so much worse. The therapist sided with him. He is very good at making people sympathize with him. He then felt justified to treat me even more badly bc I was the problem. 
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OP here. Wow, as the second woman who has said this .. it never occured to me.. were the therapists men? 🧐

I was laying in bed this morning thinking I have to try counseling because I feel like I have to try everything I can before doing anything in order to relieve my guilt and shame, you know? Like I tried everything I could and if he still didn't respond to counseling then I wouldn't feel as bad.

I feel like tons of people tell you to do everything you can first before leaving/filing.

I appreciate you both sharing your experiences and I'm so sorry you we ganged up on! 😡[/quote]

I was the one who said avoid counseling together because of the possibility of it being weaponized. My exDH apparently went to a therapist secretly and on his own. All of his various providers, including his therapist, doctor who write his ADHD medication prescription, and his attorney, have all been women, actually. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. He’s consistently sought out sympathetic mommy types and essentially replaced me with them while using their female point of view as one to displace my POV as illegitimate. He also seemed to replace his relationship with me with those outside women. When I was no longer willing to tiptoe around his disorders, he got his emotional cup filled up by these people who he was basically paying to validate his feelings.

My exDH did not successfully use his own therapy sessions for custody and the divorce directly, but he did use the tools and vocabulary he’d acquired during years of therapy to try to game the system during a custody evaluation.

OP, you are in a tough tough spot. It’s lonely and crazy making to explain it to outsiders. I hope you can find support here. I would like you to read the book “Splitting” by Bill Eddy. You may look at the summary and think it doesn’t apply to you, but there is a lot of very tactical advice in there that is easier to absorb now than when you really need it and I think you’ll find it very helpful.

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