Toggle navigation
Toggle navigation
Home
DCUM Forums
Nanny Forums
Events
About DCUM
Advertising
Search
Recent Topics
Hottest Topics
FAQs and Guidelines
Privacy Policy
Your current identity is: Anonymous
Login
Preview
Subject:
Forum Index
»
Parenting -- Special Concerns
Reply to "Anyone’s exDH try to use family caregiving for custody?"
Subject:
Emoticons
More smilies
Text Color:
Default
Dark Red
Red
Orange
Brown
Yellow
Green
Olive
Cyan
Blue
Dark Blue
Violet
White
Black
Font:
Very Small
Small
Normal
Big
Giant
Close Marks
[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP hasn't said she's in DC. Feel free to google-I'm not doing your legwork. [/quote] DC is just one example. You’re the one who made the assertion so you need to support it. [/quote] What exact place are you looking for? MD? FL? Alaska? Can you be more specific? [/quote] I’m not the one making the claim and OP hasn’t said where she is. So discussing the DC law seems reasonable. The person who claimed that the DH’s work travel is irrelevant should back that statement up. [/quote] The PP said that, depending on where the OP lives, the work travel may not matter as far as custody. It really is dependent on where they are, which has not been disclosed. A quick Google search would be helpful to you, PP.[/quote] NP. I’m in Virginia. Pre-divorce, my (then-) husband was gone 3-4 nights/weekends a week. While divorcing, he said he had changed his schedule to accommodate 50/50. As soon as the ink was dry, he went back to the old schedule, but did move things around so he was on overnight travel on my custodial nights. Which is to say, pre-divorce behavior isn’t nearly as relevant as we might want it to be.[/quote] Right - the key is he changed his schedule so he didn’t travel on his custodial nights, right? That is not OP’s situation. [/quote] They are not divorced yet. So we have no idea what her situation will be.[/quote] Well according to OP, her ex is not planning to change his work schedule but still wants 50-50. So that’s what she has to go on. I’m really unclear on why people are advising her to cave before she needs to. [/quote] People are encouraging her to be flexible if all she wants is more time with her kid. Whatever restrictions she puts on her ex can be applied to her. If her whole point is more time with her kid, then be flexible and get what she wants.[/quote] He’s not being flexible. She doesn’t need to start out being flexible. She needs to start out asking for what she could feasibly get based on the law in her jurisdiction with the advice of her lawyer. She likely has a good argument for more than 50% custody and right of first refusal that does not end up meaning her kids cannot ever stay home alone with her mom. [/quote] OP’s lawyer told her that her desired ROFR outcome is unlikely. OP herself admits she needs to give to get. So no, she should not start mediation by asking for what she could feasibly get. She should make a list of non-negotiables for her, a list of things she is willing to give up, and a list of things her stbx wants, and pair them accordingly. When this mediation fails, OP can ask the judge for everything she can feasibly get. And she should expect her husband to do the same. Which means 50/50, likely with the promise that his work schedule will change.[/quote] You have zero basis to say that and OP has not said that about her lawyers advice, unless I missed it. If he has a documented schedule of last minute and frequent travel then that is going to be very material in the amount of parenting time he gets. And per OP he is not saying his schedule will change. [/quote] It is in the OP: “…and my attorney says unless I put in a right of first refusal specific to her, grandparent care would be considered perfectly acceptable for DH’s custodial times.” The gist of this whole discussion is that OP’s husband travels for work, and wants 50/50. To preserve that 50/50 he wants to use his mom for babysitting when he travels. OP doesn’t like the mom, so she doesn’t want the child to stay with the mom when her husband travels. OP does want her child to be able to stay with HER mom when OP is unavailable. OP’s lawyer told OP that her desired outcome (ROFR imposed on Dad, but not on mom) is unlikely. OP doesn’t like that answer. OP also doesn’t want dad to have 50/50, but also doesn’t want to pick up dad’s slack. OP, you need to get over the circumstances of the divorce. Trying to extract a pound of flesh because your husband left is not going to serve your case well. With very few exceptions, custody rules will be imposed bilaterally.[/quote] The simple solution is for OP to switch weeks with dad and be a bit flexible.[/quote] Married people are flexible with one another. divorces people compensate one another. Father’s inability to care for child on his parenting time is a fact. It’s not simple to rearrange existing plans and or /work travel for mom. Why are you expecting her to do that to facilitate herr spending less time with the child that she’s used to primary parenting. Nah. [/quote] He’s working and said he’d get care on his time and that was not good enough for mom nor will she work with him. She can use family and sitters but he cannot. If she travels he can switch with her. [/quote] No. He is claiming he is entitled to 50% custody yet his work schedule does not permit that. [/quote] If his work schedule is occasional travel, like OP says-it permits it. He has a plan of care. He would not be denied desired 50/50 for that. I know there is a pp in here that claims that, but I think they are posting from 1995 or something-nowadays, 50/50 is commonly presumed and many parents occasionally travel for work. Op should consider ROFR if she wants to care for dc in his absence, otherwise his plan to have family care for dc is acceptable to any court.[/quote] Again read the DC code for an example of the presumption. It’s a presumption of joint custody, not totally equal time, and the judge would certainly consider a parents history of univolvement vs a stay at home parent, as well as significant business travel and/or a job that regularly requires staying in the office post bedtime. Of course we don’t know OP’s exact facts but it is simply untrue that there is no way to get more than 50%. [/quote] OP didn't say where they lived, and even if it was DC-the other parent desires 50/50 and has made acceptable plans for care for their occasional travel. This is very very unlikely to result in anything less than 50/50. Many parents have jobs that require travel or working 'post bedtime'. It sounds like you have little experience in this area, at least not in this century.[/quote] What’s considered occasional travel? OP here back tonight. DH travels 2-3 weeks/month, usually including a weekend day on either or both ends to accommodate international flights. PS not in DC and my attorney has specific ideas about occasional travel vs frequent travel and how it would affect custody in a trial in our jurisdiction, but curious about what the general perception of “occasional” is so I can try to understand what interpretation DH might try to justify.[/quote] That sounds like frequent absences to me. But your lawyer is the one who knows. You can look at the Maryland case I just posted for an example: https://www.mdcourts.gov/sites/default/files/unreported-opinions/0152s23.pdf If you feel your lawyer is not being assertive enough you can get a second opinion. [/quote] Quite the opposite: very assertive attorney. Just wanted to make sure he wasn’t leading me astray or I’m not just hearing what I want to hear. That case was a roller coaster to read. I’m very fearful of going to trial and can’t believe the role the BIA played in this case. Randomly assigned decision-making? Family court is a mess.[/quote]
Options
Disable HTML in this message
Disable BB Code in this message
Disable smilies in this message
Review message
Search
Recent Topics
Hottest Topics
