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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's common except the stuggle part.

The gray divorces I know (at least the women) are all financially secure and more than happy being single.

I think they ones that would face financial and emotion struggle are just white knuckling it and staying. [/quote]

I know a few long term SAHMs who chose gray divorce, once their husbands were at retirement. They stayed during the working years, and then become financially sound by taking (rightfully) half of the retirement and savings and having their own life/retirement with more choices. [/quote]

I'll never understand this tradeoff. Life is so short, I just don't understand being miserable for years and then once you are well into your late 50s suddenly you have all this grandiose plans with all this money. Travel, romance, fun sex etc all of that is more enjoyable when you are younger [/quote]

Kids. That's it. Some parents choose delayed gratification to raise their kids under one roof and tuck them in every night.  But once their off and we feel we've done the lion's share of our job as parents, it's our turn to focus on our happiness again with whatever time we have left.  [/quote]

This is me as well.  I have basically hated my wife for 15 years, but sacrificed my happiness for my kids stability.   I never cheated and I do regret marrying her, but my commitment is more important than my happiness.  2 more years….[/quote]

I'm the poster of a few pages back who now basically lives apart from my spouse in our second home with no plans to formally separate or divorce.

If I were brutally honest, we too probably should have never married.  We were very young (by DCUM standards) and pregnant.  And obviously I wish we were closer still shared a more romantic love.  But I can't say I regret getting married and wish I didn't.  And I certainly don't hate my spouse!

We created an amazing family together and our kids and grandkids love both of us dearly.  We're all very close and have great (and frequent) times together as a family before each of us retreats to our own space.  It's only when it's just the two of us alone in the same physical space when friction bubbles to the surface, so we just avoid that when we can.  And it's not hard since we have two houses.

Last night is a good example of how things go with us.  Texting each other from the two houses coordinating helping with grandkids.  Spouse says a few days are opening up because they decided against a trip with a really good old friend because it was too expensive.  I said no, go and don't worry about the money.  The response was "you know full well I don't spend that much money for just a long weekend," to which I responded "exactly and that's why you can afford to do it this time so just do it!"  Long story short, I eventually prevailed after threatening to buy and send the tickets myself -- because I knew they really wanted to go.  The conversation ended with a "fine, I'll do it but you have to stop NOW."  Had we had the same conversation in person, it probably would have ended in a fight.  By text, it ended with my spouse making a reservation for a nice trip and sending me a very nice "thank you" after it was all said and done.

Ideal?  Nope.  Not even close.  But things could be a lot worse.  We're certainly not going to blow up decades over it.  We're both silently committed to making this work.

[/quote]

This is completely f-ed up on many levels.  But maybe you realize that. When not just work on yourselves instead of live apart,?  [/quote]

Not sure what you mean by “work on yourselves.”  You mean work on our marriage?  Nope, we’re done with that.  We’re just not getting divorced.  Not sure why it’s so f-ed up on “many levels.”  What levels exactly?  I’m genuinely curious.  [/quote]

So you’re done working on your marriage but will stay in it indefinitely? I find it hard to believe that no one is finding a companionship that is lacking. Why cut off that part of your life and not even work on improving an apparently important relationship????[/quote]

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