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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Gray divorce is a massive pain in the ass for your adult children. Stick it out for 10 years, then you won't care and can just live like room mates.[/quote]

Why?  Genuinely curious since I’m in the middle of one. I’ll come out of it financially stable and won’t need to work (I’m 52). Two adult kids who have graduated college already. Plans are made for who pays for weddings etc. [/quote]

Because it's not about the money! It's about the time and hassle. They'll probably have to be their other parent's next of kin and do a lot more caregiving for that person. And also a lot more caregiving for you, since you don't have their other parent as next of kin. You won't be 52 forever, eventually you'll be needing more help and you'll be safer living with another adult. I really hate knowing that there's nobody to call 911 for my dad because he lives alone.

You'll probably defend yourself by saying how much your marriage sucks and how awful your current spouse is. But saying "My spouse is just so awful, that's why I'm dumping him on my kids" isn't really that appealing to the kids. It's not going to be a justification in their eyes. Not that you need their permission, but you should have your eyes open about how it impacts them. Don't delude yourself here.[/quote]

Eventually, one parent dies and the other lives alone.  It's almost inevitable.  Money, avoiding remarriage, and planning solve nearly all of the issues that PP raised.  You must also accept that holidays will differ, and you may not always see your kids and grandkids.  
[/quote]

Right, but it's a question of how long a parent lives alone. How long do the adult children have to be next of kin-- is it for the next 45 years, or just for 10 or so? It makes a difference. And the dealing-with-two-homes problem is real. Your kids will probably have to help maintain, then clean out and sell, two homes instead of one. Find two assisted livings. It can go any number of ways, and planning helps, but it's always going to be much more complicated than the vanilla scenario of an adequate marriage.

You definitely can't expect the same amount of time and attention from your adult kids as you're getting now. If they marry someone whose parents are also divorced, you're going to get 1/4 of the available time. Hope you're happy with it.[/quote]

I'm in the middle of it, too, and I am really sad at how it will impact my minor kids now and in the future.  I'm sad for me, too – because it will mean that I spend at least 50% of holidays alone, but probably far more.  It sucks.  I didn't want this, but it only takes one to divorce.  But I do intend to do as much planning as possible to lighten the eventual load on them.  [/quote]

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