Reply to (Vacation wife) Help. Spiraling.

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "(Vacation wife) Help. Spiraling."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here- 
He started acting depressed Jan 2020
Made worse by the pandemic March 2020
Affair was Feb 2020 til I found out in Jan 2023
I was devastated and got into therapy, he got into therapy and was really trying it appeared.
October 2023 I caught him texted his exgf and I kicked him out.

Between Jan 2020 - October 2023 there was around 5 or 6 instances of binge drinking- a work christmas party + bar after, a hang out with his best childhood guy friend, a wedding, and then 2 or 3 random times.

Those were all spread out enough over 4 years that it didn't feel or register to me as a major issue.

Since he moved out in October, there was one day in December he went to a guys poker night and I heard he was drunk from a mutual friend. But he didn't have the kids and it didn't really raise any red flags for me. Then the DUi happened in June.

Maybe I handled things incorrectly or was used to all my friends' husbands being drunk occassionally or was too preoccupied with the other things (cheating, job searching, parenting etc) to focus in on that.

All I hear from everyone- my kids, my family, his family, mutual friends, neighbors- how good of a dad he is. I understand that being a good dad doesn't happen in a vaccuum and that hurting your kids' mom, causing the family to break up does not equate to being a good dad. But I never thought I shouldn't give him 50% custody or the kids are in any danger in his care.

All I can be is honest and this is certainly not how I thought my life would end up and i am happy for everyone else who has it easier than I do, and I hope that my sharing can be beneficial to someone else who is struggling.

As for dating- I didn't intend to at all. I accidentally met someone. He is the most kind, thoughtful, intelligent, patient person I can imagine. He has become a true friend, confidant, and safe place for me. I have told him a million times that I will absolutely be understanding if this is too much and we have taken everything very slow. Maybe I'm still being selfish.[/quote]

I'm the person who asked "what the hell happened?" This is so sad, it's almost banal, but wow. He completely self-destructed. I'm really sorry. I really was rooting for you guys, you seem grounded. I can get how someone gets a little depressed, starts sexting (I'm not saying it's right), having a little too much "fun" (drinking culture is out of control)... but to get to the point now, alcoholic, no license, jobless, about to lose his home and (possibly) custody of his kids. To not have insurance for his kids!!! To not be able to drive himself to a job interview!!! He may not even pass the background check because it's so recent. He's completely screwed, it's definitely not because he drove drunk ONE time and just happened to get caught.

Many of your younger siblings, cousins, and friends will see the same play out.

I respect you for giving it your all and fighting through it, while he folded like a deck of cards.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics