Reply to If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
But that's my point. Not being able to talk about sex...is childish. It's not wrong, it's certainly not uncommon, but it's not the way to increase intimacy in a marriage. That was my only point. Not to accuse you of being childish, but pointing out that these issues are complex and drill down to a lot more than simply wanting to get off, or a physical need, or even a need for affection and connection. And that probably many couples have these issues. I mean, google marriage counselors in your area. You will find hundreds. These folks are in business for a reason, and if every married couple was having great sex, a lot of other crap would slide. [/quote]

No, I get it. And you're right that I wasn't being mature when I was inhibited about talking about sex with my wife. However, I was trying to clarify that I was being critical of some of the other comments in this thread that seemed to indicate OP's desire for sex with his wife was somehow immature or childish and that he needed to grow up.

As far as my personal situation, once I figured out that my inhibitions about talking about sex were part of the problem, I got over them.  Talking helped. [/quote]

PP of that post you responded to here, and totally agree, wanting to have sex with your spouse is not childish or immature!

Inhibitions can cause problems because we tend to take things personally. It took a few months of counseling for us to both realize, this is not just about the other person being a crappy husband/wife, but there are reasons behind actions that seem clueless, selfish, mean, etc. And for us, progress got made when you stop blaming the other person and seeing your part, and when you can actually sympathize with that person instead of blaming them or making it about you.

My husband and I both had issues talking about our needs and communicating about them in a healthy way. We for years thought that "working" toward or having to talk about sex meant you were missing the point - it was supposed to be fun and easy. But that really only works the first few years. Then the work of marriage has to kick in, and you have to realize what happens outside the bedroom affects the bedroom. And work on all that.

We have a long way to go. But we are trying. And are in a better place this year than last year. Sounds like you and your wife got to a very healthy place. I meant what I said, I admire you for that. I wish we had addressed these issues earlier, but we simply weren't ready and rather than regret it, I'm just trying to move forward and learn from our mistakes.

This forum has really helped me realize I'm not alone with these issues. And counseling has too. Our counselor has seen it all and is great about not judging. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics