Reply to If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
In part, I think it has to do with the different attitudes about sex between the genders. At least stereotypically, a woman could walk into a bar, announce "I want to have sex with a man" and have some takers. For a guy to get laid, generally the woman has to think he's something special. (Not always how it works in practice, of course). When a woman starts having sex with you regularly and marries you, she's showing you, "Hey, I think you're something special." When she stops having sex with her DH, the message is, "I no longer think you're something special" (sometimes with an extra helping of, "but keep helping with the finances and children anyway.") [/quote]

Interesting.  I'll have to ask DH about that.  It's not our intent, you know?  Really, it isn't.  Most of us anyway.  It wasn't for me.   [/quote]

When I'm thinking rationally, I understand that my wife not wanting to have sex with me isn't about me. (Except sometimes it is - adding to the confusion.) But with me (and a lot of guys, I think - a lot of women too, probably) sex isn't tied into the more rational parts of the brain. So, there is the emotional sadness of feeling rejected (even if you aren't, in fact, being rejected) coupled with a bit of isolation in that you know you're not allowed to seek affirmation through sex elsewhere. (Bit of a mixed message - "sex isn't important unless you try to have it with someone else.") [/quote]

I hear you.  I don't know, women are complicated.  I'm sorry.  I got a sense of what you are saying in our hash outs and it hurts me to know that, but it's not intentional.  In my case I am a really bad faker and I feel like me faking that I'm into would be more hurtful.  And frankly having to fake it makes me feel used.  Believe it or not I love my husband deeply, and I've been just as bewildered at my lack of drive post-kid.  But I can't just flip it like a switch, so I need his help.  It took him a long time to understand that "help" is not doing more laundry or engaging in foreplay.  It's emotional, too.  It's rebuilding my sense of us as a couple and getting to know each other again.  (Yes, it felt like that.  Fatherhood changed him too.)   Like I said, for some of us motherhood does a number on our whole view of ourselves, and it can take a long time to right the ship (or accept that you have fundamentally changed and you're not changing back).

Can you tell her this stuff?  Have you?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics