Reply to BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here again. Thanks for all opinions, whether supportive or critical. Believe me, most of your POVs had already been swirling around in my head to try to come to a resolution that would make the least number of people unhappy.

To answer some questions, my son is not in the military - apologies if my use of the term posting order misled you, but I come from a military family and some terminology just sticks. His job does require short deployments (there I go again!) overseas.

I also apologise for the perceived snark. I like my BIL and his fiancee, but BIL has always gone for "drama", so in some ways springing a 4-week notice of a wedding on the other side of the world should have not come as a surprise. In normal circumstances we would have loved to have jetted off for the wedding, but it just seems a shame that in this instance the plans my DH relished putting together for me, especially our little family reunion, will have to be rethought and somehow reworked.

I am also saddened by how my BIL obviously influenced my FIL. We see FIL regularly and have a good relationship with him. My DH is a good and attentive son to him, whereas BIL is on the other side of the world and therefore has minimal involvement in FIL's care. For FIL to "take sides" against DH came as a shock to him, especially as FIL is not going to the wedding anyway.

And, as I mentioned in an earlier post, I now have the uncomfortable feeling of an element of misogyny within the family (BIL, FIL), where women should take second place to men (as in my celebrations being dismissed, and the fiancee's dreams of a cathedral wedding not being followed through). [/quote]

Stop.  I am a woman and calling you out for acting like a princess.  I would never expect my children to fly in for my birthday and for anyone in my family to celebrate anyone’s birthday over anyone’s wedding.  DH wasn’t even home on my birthday this year.  I told him it was ridiculous to reschedule a work meeting and I’m as adult who didn’t need anything special.  I went out to eat with one kid, since my other also had to work that evening.  And that is fine![/quote]
You’re just salty that your kids don’t like you and OP’s love their mom. [/quote]

NP here. Grown adult women should not be planning weeklong celebrations around their birthday. Sure, it's lovely that your kids want to come have a nice dinner. The "lavish" party should never have been planned in the first place. Who in their right mind forces people to celebrate their birthdays with them? I find it so offputting.[/quote]

Her one kid who lives overseas couldn't make the original party so they pLANNED a family gathering (months in advance) and everyone arranged time off, paid for flights, etc.  it will cost a lot to change (sounds like one kid likely couldn't easily).  Normal people plan events in advance.  The OP did, and does not need to change for a 50 yo who decides to plan a wedding on a whim that's 24 hr+ flight away.    Op can just Ravi no and is good.  It's the brother who has issues.  If you want everyone to attend you give notice--for a destination like that you give 9-12 months notice.  Or you plan that many won't be able to attend and be happy[/quote]

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