Reply to Why do we tolerate trash talking and elitism as "boys will be boys" behavior?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I see it too and I don’t get it. I am raising my boy to be kind and empathetic but I feel like many other parents are teaching their kids to be jerks. Even among so called “progressive” families we are witnessing the creation of bullies and aggressive/selfish behavior that is shocking but not corrected.[/quote]

How old is your boy? I’m doing the same and he was bored for his kindness by several teachers. The school environment matters too. We switched from an inclusive small school to a top public and DS has brought home so much slang and jerky one upping behavior. We model and talk about kindness at home, but he is at school for 7 hours a day around this stuff. Also shocked at language and attitudes on kids TV shows. We no longer watch tv. [/quote]

Do you really want to get it or do you want to not get it?

If you don’t want to get, it no amount of explanation will help you. Also not wanting to get it will drive a wedge between you and the others in your community.

[b]If you want to get it, ask the other parents in an open non-judgmental way. You will be able to have better conversations than here.[/b]

For example, if you were to ask me, I would tell you that I have no problem with slang. Kids saying I’m cooked to their friends or in their family is not mean or rude to me. I would tell them not to talk to their pastor that way.[/quote]

Ask them WHAT? I would love to hear how you would phrase this. Be specific. Getting out the popcorn. [/quote]

I’m laughing at this since I have boys in middle and high school. I’m on this forum bc I also have an elementary aged daughter. You don’t really contact other parents about this type of banter once kids are older than age 6-7, maybe not even then. You parent your own kid.

I know the post is about 9 year olds. Wait until the kids hit the tween/teen years. Everything will be 10x worse.

Most parents don’t want their kids to be jerks and trash talk. What parent wants their kids to be the jerk? In any athletic setting, there is trash talking. If your kid is actually good at the sport, he shouldn’t care. I can see this affecting a child who already may have low self esteem. It is only going to get worse, much worse.[/quote]

So if a kid is not “good at the sport” then they deserve to be mocked? That is bad behavior. Period. No amount of justification will change that. Kids who are not great at sports deserve to be treated with respect just like anyone else does. A child should not be shunned from group activities just because they are slower or possibly have a disability. If you are not teaching that to your kids then you are a part of the problem. [/quote]

I said if your kid is good at a sport, he shouldn’t care.

My boys are athletic and have definitely been on the receiving end of this trash talk. They have been knocked down even when they are at the top and also made to feel worse when they are already down. I’m not saying this is right or proper. This is just what happens in sports.

I can’t believe I am explaining this on a forum. I am a non athlete with two boy athletes. Even sitting in the stands, you hear parents booing, shouting and yelling. I have watched moms and dads screaming at refs and getting kicked off courts. Entire stands may mock a kid.

I’m the quiet Asian mom who only cheers for my kids and team.[/quote]

Reread your post.  You are justifying bad behavior.  Your complicity is part of the problem.  You're a bad parent.  Don't worry, you have lots of company.[/quote]

My kids don’t even play soccer anymore. I had one kid play rec and the other played travel. Both were good and didn’t trash talk. I used to watch the travel soccer team and parents yell at one another. I and my kids are not yellers. I watched the siblings put down sibling yelling from sidelines, yelling at the coach, I’m sure these kids learn these behavior from family and friends.

I agree that complicity is the problem. Same as when you hear of a kid who got bullied to the extent of committing suicide. When you hear about these stories, you wonder how anyone could stand by and not help. My boys are older now but they once were young like OP’s son and I also was bothered and huffed and puffed about this behavior. As kids get older, the problems get bigger and I’m just glad my kids survived those years and  are thriving. [/quote]

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