Reply to Spouse lost his job and its ruining our life

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You should get a second job. He should be working at McDonald’s if he has to.[/quote]

I have been looking for jobs that pay more money. Ive told my husband he  has to give up on finding a new job in his career and just find something else, like working in a restaurant, as you suggest. He hasnt gotten there yet because he is determined to keep his career. [/quote]

NP. Until you actually find a job that pays a lot more money, I don’t think you have a leg to stand on here. You seem to be criticizing him for the same issue you are having yourself. [/quote]

Well the purpose of my post was seeking out people who have been in this situation who could share their story. That doesnt seem to be you np. If you read my prior comment, my dh not only supported my decision to work in education but encouraged it because he probably never envisioned that this would happen to him. [/quote]

Hey OP. I posted in the relationship forum a week or so ago with a similar situation about my husband who got laid off and I got absolutely flamed for it. To the point I stopped reading the thread. My husband was laid off and has not taken the job search seriously; I wrote in looking for ways to help him find something and structure his efforts and got called a selfish nag. Despite me saying I was not nagging and didn’t want to be a nag.

He hasn’t done any applying in the last week, no networking, nothing. It’s terrifying to me. I guess I’m just trying to say you’re not alone and don’t let random internet strangers try to read something into your situation that isn’t there. Hope you two make it out of your situation soon. [/quote]

He might be depressed. What does he do all day?  When was he laid off?  Do you have an emergency fund?

If you are not in dire situation and have an emergency fund let him be for a bit.  In a couple weeks after getting laid off if he hasn’t started looking, talking about looking or networking then maybe bring it up but be supportive.  Ask what he’s looking for.  Ask if it’s ok if you speak to your own network about openings.  If you don’t have an emergency fund he should really be looking right away and put out feelers. In this economy it just takes longer.

When people get pushed or feel pressure most people actually pull back so it’s kind of a fine line between being supportive while not let him sit on his butt in month 6 and do nothing.  That pressure also does not help when interviews roll around.  So can you meet a friend for a walk and complain to the friend?  Is there someone you can talk to so when you talk to your husband anger and a tone don’t come out?

Just cold applying doesn’t always work anymore.  I mean it does sometimes but if you know someone who can get you through the HR screen (which I find more and more difficult now with AI) it is better.

Everyone I know has recently got hired from a network.  Their network or someone they know worked with a person in the department.  It isn’t a guaranteed in, you have to do a good job in the interview, but if I get a good recommendation from certain people on a potential hire I will interview that person.  It’s up to them to do a good job on the interview and have good references and pass the checks but a recommendation or email or call from some people hold more weight.

It is daunting but honestly pressuring your spouse won’t do anything.  
Even if they did everything right they might not get a job just how the economy is right now.  Everything takes longer and there are way more candidates out there right now. [/quote]

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