Reply to Husband suddenly not interested in being a parent or spouse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Affair. He doesn’t want to get divorced right now bc he’s not sure if the affair will last. He will only leave you when he has someone else lined up and ready to take your place.[/quote] ⬆️ BTW has anyone ever returned to one of these threads or posted an update to say "BTW turns out it WAS a brain tumor!!!"??[/quote]

Threads, no, but I actually do know one couple where it turned out to be a brain tumor (not found until after they were divorcing). But you know what I know many, many more of? Couples where it was an affair.

Horses, not zebras.[/quote]

Statistically tumors are rare, sure. But depression isnt. Ive seen both those things create dramatic personality changes.

No one here actually knows OP or her DH, so the level of rock solid, 100 percent certainty that He. Is. Cheating. is almost comically arrogant.  Whenever a change is a dramatic overnight alteration like OP describes, it's stupid of the spouse to leap to assumptions, but that's what people here want her to do. Of course she needs to get the financial info, check his phone etc. etc. because cheating is possible. But if that's not the issue after all, and she's set a divirce in motion after six weeks of his checking out? That would be handing power over to strangers who insisted she should ignore other possibilities because it can only be cheating. [/quote]

My spouse had a similar abrupt check-out.  He decided he wanted a different/better life and the only way to get it was to dispose of the current one.  So he did.  He completely rewrote our 20+ year history to paint himself as a long-suffering martyr who only married me out of pity and stayed out of obligation.  Our kids were an afterthought.  People ask if I considered a brain tumor or depression or midlife crisis, but in the end, it didnt matter.  He was gone and I had to rebuild my life from scratch and keep things "normal" for a teen and a tween who didn't understand what was going on.  I didn't race to file for divorce or anything rash, but I assumed cheating and I wasn't wrong.  Our kids discovere it quickly because he couldn't put his phone down during the few hours a week he would find to spend with them.  He was trying to show our daughter something on his phone and a very explicit text popped up.  She's 14.  That's when I stopped worrying that something was wrong with him.

Assume he's cheating or wants to.  Talk to at least 3 lawyers.  Gather your financial info.  Push the issue in therapy.  Get your own therapist.  Don't let him torture you by stonewalling and dragging it out while he gets his own plan in order.[/quote]

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