Reply to Husband suddenly not interested in being a parent or spouse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He's not going to start the divorce process because he has no reason to.   If he's having an affair, he's probably not at a point where he's thinking about being in a serious relationship with her.  Divorce is expensive.  He'd have to find a new place to live.   He'd have to pay child support for 3 kids.  He'd have to have some form of custody for 3 kids that he doesn't want to be involved with right now (likely because they make him feel guilty for the affair as they are a reminder of your marriage and what he's doing to his family).  Right now, he has the best of both worlds. He can keep doing whatever he wants with no consequences.   [/quote]

I feel like this is it.

And he knows I’m desperate to keep things normal for the kids so continues to do whatever he wants.

If I push for divorce I’m the bad guy. [/quote]

Don't push. Do.

The guy moved out of the marital bedroom, won't tell you what's going on, or address it in therapy, is ignoring his kids and has basically become a different person in the last 6 weeks. Stop begging and crying and talking and offering sex and start focusing on you and your kids. I realize you are reeling right now. That is natural. But you're at the point where the oxygen masks have dropped and you have to put yours on in order to help your kids.

At the next marriage counseling session I'd introduce the idea that you think something is medically wrong and think he should go to a doctor. Push back on his crap. See what happens. [/quote]

All of this. OP, you are way too enmeshed. He is done with the marriage and is never going to go back to being a great dad. These types will always play the victim.

Pull yourself together and start protecting your kids emotionally by de-emphasizing their dad. Project stability, you control that and they need it.

Soon to be ex is more than halfway out the door and no bargaining is going to change that. Nor will tears or words do anything but maybe make him bail faster. It’s over and you need to acknowledge that reality and set you and the kids up for a stable life that is not centered on emotional abuse. You may have to co-parent with his AP, and lose out on half of kids’ holidays. That sucks. Your kids will be very impacted, always, from this, even as parents. That sucks too. Focus on what you do have control over, you. Weeping and begging is not helpful for anyone. [/quote]

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