Reply to NYT article on men struggling with their place in society

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[quote=Anonymous]I mean, not sure if you remember this but prior to 2020 white women had the same attitudes towards BIPOC and especially WOC.

Talk to any WOC and they’ll have stories about the time a white woman did something racist, and when called out, cried or otherwise had a meltdown to flip the situation and make it all about comforting them.

I was in the yoga scene for 20 years and appropriation was especially bad. Nobody would hire a South Asian instructor who had been practicing since childhood; it was all about the young, blonde, gorgeous women who were mostly former dancers. And if you pointed out that perhaps we should hire South Asian yoga teachers to close the wage gap between them and the blondes, there were the same arguments used in the gender wage gap of “they don’t bring in as much revenue” or “they don’t teach as well” or “we hire based on merit”.

Things started to change after the murder of George Floyd, when it became in vogue for white women to “do the work” and become anti-racist. Not because of what POC had been saying for decades, but because other white women were doing it, and it gave them a way to prove they weren’t racist to other white people. I saw yoga teachers hire anti-racism coaches for themselves and rebrand rather than switching to teaching Pilates or general fitness.

And watch the responses this post gets. You’ll see women go “no, that’s not true, I’m not racist, it’s okay for white people to teach yoga, you can’t even do yoga without someone getting upset….” Which is fine, but that’s the same things these men are saying. “I’m not sexist, I’m not a bad guy, I care about women, you can’t even give a compliment without someone getting upset….”

This isn’t to just slam on white women. I am one. But it’s to point out that society has changed rapidly the last few decades, and people haven’t yet developed the skills to navigate these new expectations, probably including you too, so perhaps some grace is in order. I’m white, H is BIPOC, we have 1 (possibly 2) LGBTQ+ kids, and H and I have both had to learn new ways of operating. He did misogynistic things, I did racist things, we both did homophobic things. Maybe not big things, but still things. And re-learning new ways of thinking and acting is HARD, and we both still make mistakes, but over time it gets better. [/quote]

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