Reply to What should college dc be told about our divorce? DH is cheating and leaving to pursue a relationship with his mistress.

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Reply to "What should college dc be told about our divorce? DH is cheating and leaving to pursue a relationship with his mistress."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I don't know if you read that DH actually called dc right after he told me.... DC texted me. So he let the cat out of the bag immediately. Just couldn't contain it or stop to think about trying to present this information as gently as possible. I was left out of the decision. Which is infuriating but it is what it is and I just can't start flipping the fork out over every stupid and selfish thing this guy does. DH is really spoiling for a blowup with me and I feel like he just used our kid as a pawn in his emotional war. But I'm not here to fight. I'm here to get out of this mess without losing my mind and supporting our kid. I told him "I'm sorry Dad told you so quickly and without having a conversation with me about how to tell you. I would have preferred to be a part of the conversation." I asked if dh had happened to mention the actual reason he's leaving and dc said no...so I said "well he has a girlfriend and that's an important part of the story." and I left it there. I didn't call dh any names or say anything disparaging about him.[/quote]

You were far too kind to say "dad has a girlfriend".  No, the accurate statement is " Dad is committing adultery and has a mistress and breaking his marriage vows." 
Most of my friends are explaining it to their kids as "Mr. X chose to be a bad husband and bad father"  And even their kids are smart enough to be asking, "Is Mr. X having an affair?"  Yep.   Like a nuclear bomb, the whole affair is having destructive ripple effects to all our friends and family[/quote]

I think that's all obvious without me having to spell out sordid details. I absolutely believe it takes two people to kill a relationship and I prefer not to portray this as good guy/bad guy even though I think he's a POS for how he is choosing to handle his exit. Obviously I have played a roll in this. I've just had waaaay more therapy than dh over the years (well he's never been in therapy period so....) I'm not willing to portray myself as a poor victimized wife who is deserving of pity. I was a 30 year partner in this relationship, though, so dismantling it isn't going to be quite as simple as dh may think. He's going low, I'm going high and talking to lawyers.[/quote]

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