Reply to What should college dc be told about our divorce? DH is cheating and leaving to pursue a relationship with his mistress.

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Reply to "What should college dc be told about our divorce? DH is cheating and leaving to pursue a relationship with his mistress."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think you should keep the details to yourself and just tell the kid mom and dad can’t be married to each other anymore. Do not drag your kid into your drama.[/quote]
"Mom and dad can't be married anymore" is what you tell a toddler, not a college student. I understand wanting to keep your kid focused on their studies but don't patronize them, that would be angering for a long while. It will hurt but college kids are old enough to be respected with basic honesty. You don't need to go into detail but dont leave out the big reason! The caution is not in the facts but in being careful to not bring them into your internal mental struggles as that can be suffocating. Don't lean on them for therapy but dont leave them in the dark.[/quote]

I don't know if you read that DH actually called dc right after he told me.... DC texted me. So he let the cat out of the bag immediately. Just couldn't contain it or stop to think about trying to present this information as gently as possible. I was left out of the decision. Which is infuriating but it is what it is and I just can't start flipping the fork out over every stupid and selfish thing this guy does. DH is really spoiling for a blowup with me and I feel like he just used our kid as a pawn in his emotional war. But I'm not here to fight. I'm here to get out of this mess without losing my mind and suppporting our kid. I told him "I'm sorry Dad told you so quickly and without having a conversation with me about how to tell you. I would have preferred to be a part of the conversation." I asked if dh had happened to mention the actual reason he's leaving and dc said no...so I said "well he has a girlfriend and that's an important part of the story." and I left it there. I didn't call dh any names or say anything disparaging about him.[/quote]

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