Reply to How to tell these parents I can’t help?

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "How to tell these parents I can’t help?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree about the bus village comments. The reason they can't solve it amongst themselves is they are all selfish.[/quote]
Isn’t your school community a village? By your logic, I guess there’s a SAHM village, a pancreatic cancer village, an older-siblings-at-ivies village. WTF. The village is not so limited or transactional. You help when you can and you ask for help when you need it. This is a failed society. And before some selfish harpy declares me a taker, I have given so much more than I’ve ever asked. And I don’t mind because I was able to help. I had the resources. I don’t have this little ledger where I give and must receive an equal amount in return. [/quote]

It is a failed society. That's why I am recommending that OP not help these people. 10 years ago I didn't realize it was a failed society and I would have of course said "yes no problem" to this request. In fact my instinct to help is so strong that I'd probably STILL say that a lot of the time even though I should know better.

But what I've learned in the interim is that we do in fact live in a failed society. We live in a society where some people take and don't give and then some people give and never take. I got assigned "giver" and so I gave and gave and gave and still sometimes give. And since I'm a giver I also don't ask others to give unless I really really need it. Because that's part of my giving -- I don't want to unfairly burden others.

But turns out a bunch of people got assigned "takers" and their experience is totally different. These are the doted on kids of parents who taught them that they are better than other people and that if they ask for help others will stop in. And if they don't then THEY are selfish and you are entitled to cajole and needle them to get your way. These are the people who seem to be "lucky" a lot of the time -- things just slide into place for them. The more time you spend with them the more you realize it's not luck -- it's expectations. They expect others to bend for them. And since a lot of those people are givers like me it happens. And momentum builds and takers wind up getting favors without even asking eventually. "Luck."

I am tired of giving. I am tired of being the mirror that shines the light on the lucky ones. I don't want to be a taker but I just want to invest more of my energy in serving myself and my immediate family instead of this select group of people we've all decided deserve our service. Those people can figure it out themselves for once (or more likely one of the other givers will help them). Best of "luck" to them.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics