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[quote=Anonymous][quote]It's really a rare woman in her 30s who sees this situation as her first choice, because it's disadvantageous to her and her bio children, and there's a lot of tension and resource competition built in. This is likely to feel overwhelming and difficult to OP, and to his wife once she starts parenting, and they'll give the older kids less and less until the older kids disengage. This is how this goes-- it's not because the dad intends it to be this way, but this is how the cookie crumbles.[/quote]

This is the crux of the matter right here. OP will end up "caught" between his new wife's desire for a "normal" marriage and the needs of his existing kids. This will play out in a thousand tiny ways, from the timing and location of the potential wedding (can't make the kids miss school), to the house the newlywed couple buys (needs to have rooms for the kids), to the resources available for a nanny/childcare (since OP will be paying childcare and college tuition at the same time). Then it will play out in all of the other ways, like whether the first kids are "allowed" to visit their father if they have a cold, if they can have friends over after the baby's bedtime or during naptime, and if they can bring their snacks into the house when the second wife goes through a weird organic almond mom phase.

Honestly, for a lot of women it would be better to be a SMBC than to deal with those logistics and the constant competing priorities. Most men just can't handle being pulled in multiple directions, so either snap or just pick a side no matter who gets hurt. [/quote]

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