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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why is it so hard to admit that daycare/aftercare is a lesser experience for kids than sahp, barring strange outliers? It doesn’t mean it’s a *bad* experience or that you’re a bad parent. It’s just reality.

I couldn’t breastfeed my children. I acknowledge the reality that this was a negative for them. They lost out on bonding and lifelong health benefits. But it was out of my hands and there was nothing more I could do.

I couldn’t have a vaginal delivery. Again, a lesser experience for them in terms of future health, etc.

It’s magical thinking to not admit some scenarios are simply better for kids. I personally think if we want society to start improving childcare we need to start with a shared understanding of what benefits infants and toddlers, not corporations or bank accounts. [/quote]

because I genuinely don't think that's universally the case. 
We have HHI of aprox $700-$750. My kids go to aftercare when we could easily afford childcare. That's because it's way more fun for them to be in aftercare (where they do sports and activities and play pick up basketball with their friends) than it is to come home and sit in our apartment. 
I also genuinely do not think that formula or vaginal delivery are 'better'. I breastfed and had a vaginal delivery but I wouldn't have cared at ALL if I didn't do either. 
I think what objectively does make a difference for kids is money. Being able to to to private school if your kid needs it. Not having money saved for college, not having any parental help to buy their first home. Money is a huge differentiator when it comes to 'future health'. So I work because i think that these small things that parents stress about -LIKE breastfeeding and aftercare and all that crp -absolutely pale in terms of impact on children in comparison to having less net worth and less ability to help your kids. [/quote]

Be honest.  You don’t actually think about or deeply consider any of this stuff, and I do not believe you have ever put even an hour’s worth of effort into reading actual research on any of these topics.  You just want to do what you want to do, and that’s the end of the story.  You can come up with all sorts of justifications as to why your way is not only fine, but actually better, and they may or may not be true.  But that doesn’t actually matter to you.

(And for whatever it’s worth, money for college or a downpayment on a home isn’t something you’re doing for kids… it’s something you’re planning to  do for future adults.)[/quote]

Enormous amounts of research. 
Plus the wild move of actually asking my kids what they want to do. 
Semantics are irrelevant. [/quote]

I mean, some kids can sense that they’re an afterthought, or an accessory, or in your case a status symbol.  The claim that your kids prefer aftercare to spending more time with you (undoubtedly being nonstop “productive” and doing “enriching” activities) is the most honest thing you’ve said.  Other than that your 750K HHI is merely a sacrifice you’re making “for the children” of course  :roll:

[/quote]

Look I hate working. But I do it because it gets my kids an amazing education, nice camps, good aftercare and college savings accounts so they won’t go into debt.

Your assertion is that the child of every working mother is doomed to think of themselves as an ‘afterthought’. No idea what you’re doing on the jobs board but that’s some pretty mysogynistic, antiquated and toxic bs right there [/quote]

I did not assert that at all.  I am speaking to YOU, specifically.  I’m actually a working mother myself, but I’m not so flippant about “all those things parents think matter” (which from your posts basically encompasses the parenting part of being a parent).  I also don’t delude myself into thinking that a HHI of 350k vs 700k or whatever matters in the least when it comes to a child’s health and happiness.

YOU, specific PP who does not speak for all working mothers, YOU clearly value money more than time with your kids.   That’s all.[/quote]

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