Reply to Truthfully, can you both have careers and have 3+ kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No part of the lifestyle the posters on the past 3 pages are describing (3 kids 5 and under in 5 different activities per week and w/ a nanny and preschool) sounds fun at all to me.

I want to actually spend time w/ my kids. I want my kids to have time w/ me just focusing on them 1:1. I want to get to know my kids as people and not just shuttle them around to one activity after another (or have a nanny do it). I want to have a life where we (my spouse and kids and I) can relax and enjoy each other's company and not every waking minute is spent engaged in some "elite sport", working, or driving to/from work or elite sport. That does not sound enjoyable at all.

Think about what is best for your kids and you and your spouse, OP. Do you envision a lifestyle where everyone is always stressed, always going from one thing to the next? Or do you envision a lifestyle where you have a nice family dinner at home most nights and read your kids stories and put them to bed on time and talk about their day and sit on the couch cuddling with them? I think only you can decide what it is that works best for you and your family. Hopefully whatever you choose will also work for your kids as well.[/quote]

If you have kids in travel sports you are probably not having dinner together every night - regardless of whether you have 2 or 3 children. If your spouse has a big job and gets home at 7 or 7:30 (as my husband does) you are not having family dinner together until your kids are in middle school. Another child does not make “getting to know” your children and family dinners impossible.

Your argument is dumb. Go away. You don’t belong in this forum anyway.[/quote]

We have family dinner Friday-Sunday but my kids go to bed at 8 so it is not realistic.

I am so sick of reading this stupid stuff from people [b]who pretended that when you have three kids you can’t know them.[/b] [/quote]

I am PP writing from my lived experience as a kid who grew up one of 3 kids. My parents both worked demanding jobs. They are not emotionally close to me or my siblings as adults because they never did have enough time for us when we were kids. They didn't give us enough attention. We were always treated as a pack of kids, not as individuals. I'm not saying every family w/ 3 kids and 2 working parents is the same, of course. But it is just practically speaking a lot harder to spend time and give attention to your kids the more kids you have, especially when you and your spouse are also working a demanding job. It just is a practical matter. Time is finite. There is no practical way that a parent w/ 3 kids can give each kid as much attention as a parent w/ 2 or 1 kids can. So, I'm not saying you personally won't be able to "know your kids" just because you have 3. But it is a lot less likely that each kid will get the attention they need the more kids you have and that is nothing personal against you it's just a fact.

I wish my parents had scaled back their careers and had more time for me as a kid. I wish I had a close relationship w/ them. I wish I felt seen and heard and understood in my family growing up. But that was not their priority. Their priority was working first, family unit second, individual kids last/never. [/quote]

Op here. This is very true. My husband is one of four and they were treated like a “pack”. I was one of two and I was really able to know my mom and had individual time. [b]The thing that gives me pause is just how much support my husband gets from his siblings as an adult. The sibling relationship lasts longer than any other relationship. I struggle with wanting to give my kids a larger support network as adults vs providing individual parental attention.[/b] [/quote]

I truly understand this. I have 2 kids and sometimes really wish we had more so they could potentially have more lifelong relationships and support from siblings as they get older. However, more and more I see in families I know as well as my own family that this is in no way a given. In the past 3 years our close friends have had: falling outs/estrangements from siblings, a sibling who got diagnosed w/ a severe mental illness, siblings who have checked out and distanced themselves when in the thick of elder care for aging parents, siblings fighting over estates when parents die. You don't know what the future holds. Having more kids is in no way a guarantee that your kids will be close or be supportive people to each other later on. They might fight from day 1, they might grow up close but then have a falling out, you just can't count on this.[/quote]

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