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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find these responses so hypocritical.  If a man posted ‘I want to downsize our lifestyle so I can spend more time with our kids but my wife says no’ most would support him, many would encourage him to look for a new job anyway.  They have plenty of money.  She can take a year off with the baby.  She can find a lower paying job later.  He can stay or he can look for a different sugar mama.  [/quote]

I've asked my work addict spouse to downshift jobs and be more present and involved with the house, family and kids for years. He refused. Nothing to do with money. Had to do with his ego, and as the years went by, it was clear he had zero interest in maintaining a house & property or parenting or disciplining the children.

So I guess he gets what he wants. Work, work travel, rest at home when home.

I kept working. No way would I stay at home for an ungrateful, selfish prick. I continue to be an active parent, work, spend daily quality time with the kids, plus manage any housekeepers or nannies or drivers. Plus all our our social friends and schedules/activities.

It's all a PITA and not what I signed up for to do ALONE. it's not how my, very successful businesman father, treated my mom or us kids. But it's all this work addict spouse of mine can and will do. So now his job is to make and much money as possible, bring it home, and we use some and invest the rest. I also make a lot of money, but in a more stable and flexible job in an industry I've been in for 25+ years. But I deeply regret marrying who I married. And I worry for my children, who doesn't. Whelp, my husband doesn't.

OP has a plan. Downshift jobs, raise the kids, have a more family friendly job. 
Her husband has NO plan. He's pitter pattering around in academia, and at a very low level. No plan. No goals. some talk, zero action. 
With the help of a smart therapist, turning off the extra cash flow, and getting the husband on a better earning track, they could all be a lot happier than making OP be a slave to a stressful high income job.

I still every day wish I had an average income, but involved and caring spouse and father to the children. Instead I have a high income negligent one. [/quote]

My husband and I both earn about $150k annually, and he is an involved and caring father to the children, who are young. After they go to  bed he watches TV, gets drunk, and is a jerk to me. I have a lot of regrets. [/quote]

Unfortunate, but easier divorce and coparenting situation since he is not a neglect or absentee father. 
I’d pull the divorce trigger then for sure. 
Plus the courts can mandate courses and supervision and check ins for alcoholics. They don’t do that for untreated mental disorder cases. It has to be extremely serious and when with the kids, ie locked out the 8 yo at night when having an episode [/quote]

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